Saturday, March 31, 2012

The best friends
Dog in love
Three shot glasses and five beers in a handy pack!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


Pulling it together. Sounds simple enough. Another fresh start... I hope I am strong enough and have learned enough to GET IT. I feel like I am. and have. Lord knows I appreciate more than I ever have. All those books I read in the basement of Hampstead Place and all the promises I made to myself then are starting to make sense and be real. Just a couple more tweaks...
Last week, I had a moment that would surely make it to the final cut in the movie of my life. Today, I hope to have another.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

really intersting stuff and total midlife babble

I can't tell you how interesting this story was to me. Interesting enough that I jumped out of the tub to share it. Okay, I didn't "jump" per say... that's kinda dangerous.
This story, for me, was about judging a human being as a human being (oh, we all judge, don't we?) and not as a religion or a color, which we are all so sick of. Injustice? yes. Lived and learned? Let's do. Please. And no human should expect any less from ANYONE EVER.
Then there's this... I'm fucking 40. 40! It's so cliche to question everything and lose your shit at 40. Don't forget to grow a ponytail, buy a sports car, get all zen and shit.
That's not exactly where I am... I think I did all that at 30, minus the ponytail plus one hot 21 year old plaything. I'm here. I'm half way through my life, IF I'm lucky enough to live to be 80. Cancer, car accidents, freak falls from odd places... all these punishments for whatever it is I think I did wrong.
So, now what? What the do I want to do? Having based my last 19 years on being a mother, I have no idea what else I want to do. I should say I have too many ideas. I have EVERY! Oh, 40... I thought you would just leave me the hell alone. Considering what I've been through so far, I feel like I've earned it.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I want an end piece!

I don't write anymore. Not sure why. Time is a great excuse, but it's the one I despise most, and it's a lie. There's always time for what you want to make time for. It's the juice that's been missing. Plenty to say, the words just never being able to rise up. Til right now.
I've got myself a job that I hate in a place that I don't belong. I've got a paycheck and benefits. Yippiefuckingkaiyay. I've also now got the goal to find a new job. Maybe one that isn't so soul sucking. With paid holidays and a blue cross card, please.
My family is growing up and big changes are coming. J is facing a trip to Texas that he doesn't want to take. He's been trying to come up with every scary fact that a mother would cower from. Not working. And, he's still not working, so it's not looking good for him. He is finally trying to make contacts, but the effort may be too little too late when it comes to school. His diploma is questionable and I feel it's time to line him up for some tough love. Sometimes, people need that toughness to foster their own.
I seem to be the one who ends up doling out the tough love. It's my lot in life to have the brutal honesty gene. I see the hurt and anger on someone I love's face... but, I have to know that it's the right thing to do to help foster a change. Who is here to give me some of that? I wouldn't mind getting that push once or twice instead of giving it. I think. (too much)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

the open door has just closed

Yesterday, my car finally got fixed!
It's going to rain for the next three days.
I see a disturbing trend.

The furrow in between my eyes is growing deeper.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

how long is a funk supposed to last?

I feel trapped in my own head. And, my body doesn't feel good because of it.
The tea is good, and instead of a five hour energy in the afternoon, an iced coffee works fine. Soon, I hope to wean completely off of caffeine. The thing is, I'm listless. I have the motivation to do absolutely nothing. I don't feel creative or inspired. I wash the clothes, hang them on the line, take them off the line, fluff them, fold them, distribute them. Fill the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher. Give this one a ride here, pick that one up there. It's all so boring. I'm supposed to feel grateful, but I don't. I feel anxious and annoyed.
I don't like this funk. I need to make some changes to rush it along. First the caffeine...

Sunday, August 7, 2011

no sugar tonight in my coffee

Day 1 no coffee, switched to tea. I had one cup of green tea with a small amount of sugar, no cream or milk. I figured since I have already had a nasty headache for the last few days, now would be a good time to make the switch. (lack of caffiene can cause a headache) I wonder hwo much caffiene is in the green tea?