Sunday, August 30, 2009

Living in the moment

You hear that phrase all the time. It's advice, a mantra, and sometimes very difficult. There are those other moments that shape us that enter and reenter our minds, bringing us back to other people and places. Pushing them back requires a constant strength. And, the mantra... "Live in the moment".
If I kept living the moments that hurt me, I would spend my days in misery, replaying the heartbreak and loss. Now, why would I choose to do that? If I don't choose to move forward, I am choosing to live in the past by default. I'm finally old/wise enough to see that.
Ginger's passing reminded me that I am not in control of everything. Life takes many twists and turns, and although I can navigate to the best of my directional ability, I am not the only pilot on this vessel. When I look around at the way people drive and live and effect others with seemingly no awareness or conscience...I don't like my chances.
My next door neighbor told me yesterday that her husband heard me screaming Thursday morning... what happened? Are you kidding me? Your husband heard me screaming and he didn't feel the need to see for himself at that moment what was wrong?! So, basically any member of my family could be screaming while being thrown into the trunk of a car and you would wait two days to see what they were screaming about? Kind of like the guy who hit Ginger didn't stop until I ran out into the road screaming? He hit her and never hit the brakes until then.
I cannot wait to be all moved in to the new house. I need to get my family the hell out of here before something else happens. We're safer with the mountain lions and bears.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Sadness and filling the void

My sweet, sweet girl is gone. I have the fondest memories to carry with me, but my heart is broken to know that I will never snuggle her again. One does not cancel out the other, unfortunately. My chest is tight and I cannot describe the feeling in my heart other than to say I am empty. I have felt this way before. I know it fades in time. I need to fill the void as soon as possible. That's just my way. I don't hold candlelight memorials. I don't mark the event on my calendar for future reminder. If you ask me what day it was that my Dad passed, I could tell you it was summer and I'm pretty sure it was 3 years ago. I do remember all the things he told me about growing tomatoes and taking care of your family. I'm pretty clear on what I want in the memory banks and it's not the day he left us.In two weeks, we will be picking up Mena, a 4 month old champion American Bulldog puppy. She is coming from the same parents as Ginger. The breeder heard what happened to Ginger and offered to sell Mena to us. He had already started showing her and was planning on adding her to his breeding program. He couldn't bear the thought of us not having one of his dogs to love and new puppies won't be available until April next year. So, he offered his prize winning girl Mena, knowing that she will become a part of our family and probably never see another show.There will never be another Ginger. But, there will be another pup and we are excited to give Mena the best life a dog could ask for. Loc and Mena at the show

Mena, when she was a wee pup

Friday, August 28, 2009

In Mourning

Yesterday, Ginger ran out into the road and was hit by a speeding truck. She did not make it. We were two weeks away from getting off this dreadful street and it wasn't fast enough. My baby is gone. She was my best friend, by my side all the time. It happened right in front of me and there was nothing I could do. Our hearts are aching. She was a member of our family and we all had a special relationship with her. I know she felt like she was one of our kids and her short life was happy and wonderful. Life will not be the same without her.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tuesday already?

I spent half of yesterday at the house with my sister and the little man. Sis cleaned the insides of closets and the main bath cabinets. She was just as shocked at the grime as I was, so I know it's not me being anal. We reminisced over the smell of Murphy's--- my Dad's tried and true. Little man did some priming, but mostly lay on the couch playing with mini cars I found behind the shed. He wasn't feeling so good at all yesterday and I am kind of anxious to see how he's feeling this morning.
Hubs went to the house by himself last night. He sanded and primed the cabinets. The pipe boxing and moulding look amazing and I cannot wait to see the cabinets once they are white. He tells me the room looks so much bigger even with just the primer.
I don't know what's on the menu for today. I have a ton of laundry to do and my house needs vacuuming. Tonight, I hope to clean and prime the pantry and laundry room. Behold my glamorous life!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I'm movin to the country, I'm gonna eat a lot of peaches

We start painting tonight. I am so excited. I can't wait to see the whole house clean and painted. Right now it is kind of a wreck. The previous tenants did not take care of anything. It's amazing that someone could have this beautiful place in the woods and not care enough to take care of it.
I will care enough. I cannot believe my dumb luck, karma, whatever that brought this property and this man to my life. I am flabbergasted. I am lucky. I am grateful.
...and I'm moving to the country!