Monday, March 1, 2010

The insensitive bitch diet plan

It's cruel, but it works.
*inspired by weight loss info-mercial "six week body makeover"*
Are you overweight? Depressed? I have created a simple plan that will cure you of these evils and grant you a happy, healthy life.
Get off your ass.
Stop eating like a pig. Read serving sizes and measure that shit out for a nice wake-up call. I dare you.
Calories = energy. If you aren't doing any physical activity (shame on you) you need to adjust the calories/energy you are putting in to match the activity level going out. Again, get off your ass.
Don't ever drive to anything that's less than a half mile from you. Get out of your car and do some walking.
Never ever eat anything that you can order without leaving you're car. If you're too lazy to get out of your car to get it, you shouldn't be eating at all! You do not need fuel to sit on your ass any more than your car needs gas to sit in the driveway. Food, after all, is intended as fuel first.
Stop making excuses. You have the time. You have the means. You are lying if you say otherwise.
Buy my plan and be fit and healthy. You will lose weight and feel less depressed. Sun will actually hit your face and you will like it. Avocados taste better than potato chips. You're a better cook than you think. Garlic loves you.
Call in the next ten minutes and I will give you this shit free!
Oh... wait, I just did.
This has been a public service message funded by common sense$$

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