Sunday, August 14, 2011

the open door has just closed

Yesterday, my car finally got fixed!
It's going to rain for the next three days.
I see a disturbing trend.

The furrow in between my eyes is growing deeper.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

how long is a funk supposed to last?

I feel trapped in my own head. And, my body doesn't feel good because of it.
The tea is good, and instead of a five hour energy in the afternoon, an iced coffee works fine. Soon, I hope to wean completely off of caffeine. The thing is, I'm listless. I have the motivation to do absolutely nothing. I don't feel creative or inspired. I wash the clothes, hang them on the line, take them off the line, fluff them, fold them, distribute them. Fill the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher. Give this one a ride here, pick that one up there. It's all so boring. I'm supposed to feel grateful, but I don't. I feel anxious and annoyed.
I don't like this funk. I need to make some changes to rush it along. First the caffeine...

Sunday, August 7, 2011

no sugar tonight in my coffee

Day 1 no coffee, switched to tea. I had one cup of green tea with a small amount of sugar, no cream or milk. I figured since I have already had a nasty headache for the last few days, now would be a good time to make the switch. (lack of caffiene can cause a headache) I wonder hwo much caffiene is in the green tea?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

wake up!

Put down that pill bottle and let it be. Let that kid go through the tough stages and learn and grow. Do the hard thing and push on through. What's different from needing to drink 14 beers every day or needing to pop 14 pills? Nothing but a doctor who drives a mercedes and lives in a bigger house than you and some laws made to make sure they keep on making money.
It's ok to question what they tell you.
Go on now, put some light back in those eyes, will ya?

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Isn't that an old Eagles song?

When somebody loves you...
they accept you, all of you, even the crappy parts of your personality that show up from time to time.

Monday, August 1, 2011

must I?

Had another great party this weekend. So fun! We had great food, great drinks, great laughs. An old friend came with her man of the month and her son, who was shy at first, but them ran, swam and even played drums with the tribe...for a minute, anyway.
You ever have one of those moments where you think that if you had the balls there would be an intervention right fucking now? I wish I were sober enough at that moment to say something more than "sorry" and "goodbye". Her date left, and I mean.. poof!... disappeared. We live in the middle of nowhere and this guy just couldn't take one more minute, so he high tailed it out of town. No goodbyes, no I don't feel well or I have to be somewhere else, just ran for it! I don't blame him. My friend was cocktailing and getting louder with each cup. Which is why I always offer to make drinks... I like to control the alcohol level. Hers was light, but she had a six pack hidden that she was chasing the tequila iced teas with. As soon as she figured out he was gone, she proceeded to announce that her date had ditched her to anyone in earshot and packed up her kid and dragged him out of there. Poor kid had made friends and was about to sit in on a session with the tribe. Not for one second did she consider his feelings. What it must be like to have your mother put on a dramatic scene and then drag you away from any fun you might be having.
I thought about that off and on all night. It didn't ruin my fun, but it made me think a lot about my parenting style. I get tisk tisks and eye rolls from other parents all the time, but it's the one area of my life that I have felt like a success in and I know damn well it's not luck that my kids are the well adjusted, friendly, polite young men that they are. Perfect, they are not. I chased my oldest and his boys away from the beer cooler more than once Saturday night.
What the hell is my point? I don't know, the coffee is finally kicking in, fog lifting. I just woke up thinking about how glad I was that even though there is angst in my house, I am fortunate to be able to have conversation with my kids, all the time, about everything. It's not forced, we don't call a meeting. They tell me how they fell, what they think.. and I listen. I tell them how I feel and what I think. We agree, we don't. I actually care how they feel about things, and adjust my actions for them often. I don't think that I'm the parent and it's my way of the highway. Their perspective matters to me, and they know it.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Friday, July 22, 2011

happy place

This year's veg garden. There's a separate squash/melon garden, but it's not pretty, so I didn't take a picture of it. I cannot wait for tomatoes to start turning color... especially since the sharpie-on-wood labeling system I used faded with the sun before there were flowers on the plants! I love surprises!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Yesterday, getting ready for his job interview, J was bemoaning the end of his childhood... "I can't believe it over!"
"Thanks, Mom, my childhood was the best! You made it awesome."
Boy, did I need this moment.

Monday, July 18, 2011


Life. It's meaning. When you don't have religion, this is bound to find you. Or maybe you just know. I don't. I mean, I know what's important. Family. To love and be loved. To do good. Is that all I'm supposed to do with my time here on earth? Is it really that simple?
One thing I know for sure, is this. We really only have ourselves to answer to. We might disappoint or hurt others, they may or may not forgive us. Life goes on. And, when your own heart breaks, it's really up to you how that is going to affect you, today and in the future. Right? Or, are we at the mercy of those around us to the point that we will treat others in a way that is derived from these experiences... without thought or responsibility? We are constantly being reprogrammed by our moments. By words, actions... our own, and others.
So deep this morning!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


I was reminded of the me that once was... could still be? I used to be so trusting and loving... I want to be her again. She was alot of fun.

Monday, July 11, 2011

theres that defining moment

This weekend we had a fabulous party with great friends. We had a fire that was jumped through by teenagers who wanted to be there and music was played by neighbors who welcomed our little one into their tribe for a jam session that still has my heart singing. We were so lucky to have new friends come and add more fun to our party!
I woke up Sunday feeling blessed and alive! The cleaning, of course, was long and ridiculous. I have your sunglasses... and your clove cigars, which, truthfully, I am going to smoke. I still do that thing where I smoke when I drink and there are cigarettes around. So stupid... The cleaning was actually very good for my brain. I woke up before anyone else and had the chance to replay the evening in my head. There were some moments that bothered me. I was upset that someone at my party called me and my friends a "bunch of hippies". He peed in my frog pond, threw his butts in my yard... is there a name for that? Thinking back to anything I may have said or done to give this person cause to be disrespectful, I have to admit that I found something. I said that I thought people who drive caddilcas were douches. How fucking judgemental of me. It was a dumb thing to say, based on an earlier traffic occurance... I mouthed off in the car to myself, no big deal, but apparently I felt the need to say that to someone who actually drives a caddy.
Why can't I stop mouthing off? My whole life I have been in trouble for talking. I don't tell secrets, but I sure do seem to have enough opinion to never stop sharing. And, all over again, I'm that little girl in the desk in the hallway, worksheets in front of me, listening to class go on without her because she just can't shut the fuck up.
Funny to be talking about shutting up on as blog, where the whole idea is to share and put it out there... talk.
Then there's that little judgement problem. How dare this guy judge us as "hippies"? Really, just because we had music by a fire, good friends and laughter? I guess, he has as much right as I do to think he or anyone who drives a caddy a douche. And, really, I don't even think everyone who drives a caddy is a douche! Just that one guy who cut me off and smiled while he did it. And, now the meathead who came to my party and acted like an angry peakock. The thing is, I didn't even judge this guy based on his tight tshirt with bulging arms and goofy haircut. I was excited to meet my buddy's friend and it wasn't until he sucked down 8 coronas that the meathead came out.
So, did I judge unfairly? Because, as it tuned out, this guy was a total douche.
However, hippies, we are not. What is it with this generation that thinks hippies are anyone who doesn't dress like you?
HIPPIES: a person, especially of the late 1960s, who rejected established institutions and values and sought spontaneity, direct personal relations expressing love, and expanded consciousness, often expressed externally in the wearing of casual, folksy clothing and of beads, headbands, used garments, etc.
Were we at the same party?
This whole silliness didn't ruin my fun, and, infact reminded me that being who you are, no matter who loves or doesn't love you, is worth it.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

today's "stuff that doesn't suck"

8.99 special at PHOP
my son now has a driver's license anbd has agreed to be my errand boy.
afternoon Margaritas... homemade and FANTASTIC,
I did not have to buy a prom dress, shoes, jewelry, nails or hair-dos.
days and days of rain mean days and days of not watering the garden.
when it stops raining, it won't be raining anymore.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Friday, May 13, 2011

today sucked

If it could go wrong, it did.
A hummingbird got trapped in the greenhouse. The poor thing made the most pathetic squeak. While I'm trying to "gently persuade" the sweet little squeaker to go out the door, Steve, my sweet little black cat finds his way out the door. This is what's known as "All hell breaking loose". You see, we live in the woods and our cats are not allowed outside. Outdoor cats here = FOOD.
So, I go into the pantry and find my super-secret-emergency-cat-bribe. (canned food) The hummer is still crashing into the windows and squeaking while I place the bribe just inside the doorway. All of thirty seconds later, Steve is back in the safety of the house. PHEW! One down...
I grab a clear plant tray cover and gently push the bird toward the open door. After ten minutes of sweat dripping panic, he's a... well, you know. He's free! I close the door, hug Steve and sit down at the pc to have a much needed cup of joe and spend some time searching Craigslist for a car.
No way.... it can't be...
A Saab convertable... loaded, leather, woodgrain, low miles, IN MY PRICE RANGE! And, it's in the next town over. I don't even have to drive an hour to be disappointed at a "small" oil leak or bald tires... Can it be?!
I email immediately and get a response. I can see it today until 5:30 or tomorrow at 8 am. The cool thing about selling my car is that it means I have no car during the day, so I have to wiat until tomorrow. I am pumped, all day long imagining myself with my Jackie-O scarf and shades, cruising around in my convertable non-gas guzzler. Until... I get the email telling me that someone has come to see the car and is buying it. Sorry, first come, first serve. It's all over. No car for me. Back to searching the crappy car ads, with this wrong and that needing replacement.
It's been a rough week. My oldest got his license and drove off... all by himself. He got fitted for a tux that he will wear on THE BIG DATE (prom). I won't be dropping him off or picking him up. I had no idea it would feel this way. I cried. I drank too much wine and cried a whole lot more. I got over it, laughed some, and took some aspirin in the morning.
I missed "Girls night out" because I didn't have a ride and I live so far outof the way, no one's offering to come and get me. So, I sat here pouting about my losses. My youth, his youth, the car, the night out. It's all gone and all I can do is watch it all go. Too bad I drank all that wine earlier in the week...
Then, the phone rings. The car buyer backed out. It's mine, I can pick it up at 8am. The, a text..."I love you Mom, YTB" (you're the best)
It's going to be ok.
I need to go get my scarf ready for tomorrow.

Friday, May 6, 2011


Listening to the boys on NPR today made me think about ambition and attitude, and most of all writing. I try to come here and write as often as my crazy brain will allow, but is it enough? I blog because I want to keep the flow going, by force, if neccessary. I write nonsense here, really. Nothing that will ever turn into anything more than internet babble.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Did you know?

Porcupines can climb trees? Me, either!
This one did, when a 90 lb. dog came chasing after. He must have decided that the quill thing was too big a chance to take. The poor thing stayed up there for 3 1/2 hours.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

one more notch

Yay! I got a bartending job! It's been 6 years since I've been on the other side of the bar. I'm pretty comfy on either side, but I like the side that puts money in my pocket rather than takes it out. So, off I went, last night, to the place that serves good sushi and even better Mai Tais.
Boo! Reality, as always, sets in and fucks everything up. I was worried that I might be too old, too haggard, too just not good enough. It never occurred to me that the job would suck and the people I would be working for would be absolute dirt bags.
Silly girl.
First, the bar manager, "Peter" calls me "honey" all night. Fine, he's clearly not really a Peter, so what the hell, I can be honey. It's not a derogatory term unless you're Gloria Steinem, and I am so far from her ideals that I could be on Mars to her Venus. The job is hard, with food service added to mixology and unmarked secret mixes that need memorizing. I'm hanging in, I can take a lot of crap before I crumble. I make it through a shift, serving chow mein and chicken fingers with scorpion bowls and love potion. I mastered the computerized cash register, the Keno, and the constant dinging of the machine that prints out the wait staff's drink orders.
I'm good, dammit. Raising the monsters has brought multi-tasking to a whole new level... I can literally balance plates on my ankles.
When it's time for me to clock out, I ask the manager how the tips will be split. Tips? Oh, no, no tips when you are training. In fact, no pay at all and you will need at least two weeks of training before you will be ready to be on your own.
So, let me get this straight... I will work for free for two weeks. I will mix drinks and serve food while another bartender watches me. I will earn $20 tips with my winning smile and gracious attitude and I will watch the leaning trainer count my bills and take them home. For two weeks?! I can understand three shifts, but two weeks is just downright abusive. Then, the manager hands me a printout of the possible mistakes I might make, to study. On sheet number two, there are definitions of sushi, sashimi, maki, tobiko and wasabi.
Wasabi = Japanese hot mustard
Now, I love sushi, sashimi, tobiko and especially wasabi. Wasabi is not mustard, not even close. It's Japanese horseradish. Now, this isn't such a big deal, really, except, well... it is! How can this Japanese woman hand me a list of facts that are not factual at all? I hate to be a stickler, but really, I have to study all this AND work for free? I do need the job, so I will suck it up and not correct the dummy who owns the place.
Or... will I?
I would have. I really would have. Then, she tells me that bartenders are not allowed to count their own tips, ever. She takes the tips into her office at the end of the night and counts them and gives them to you the next day. Huh? Having never heard of such a practice, I was a little stunned and didn't say a word. I just left, feeling a little defeated.
I didn't sleep well last night. I kept replaying all the Little things that bothered me, like the manager telling me my shirt was too low cut, even though it was a tee that came up to my collar bones. But, the money thing really bothered me. There's no way they're not stealing from their employees. Why else would they need to count your tips and not give them to you until the following day?
I paced around all morning. I hate those moments when things don't feel right, but, for whatever reason you hang in doubting your own intuition. Then, I came to the conclusion that I was being played a fool. I really hate feeling like someones fool. It's a job I've been working for far too long in my personal life and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a total stranger play me like this.
So, I called this afternoon and told the manager of false information that while I appreciated the opportunity, I decided that I do not want to work for them.
That felt good. Not as good as money in my pocket, but better than Japanese mustard.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

why bother?

There are days when I feel like I could take on a Roman Army to defend my beliefs... and then, there are days when it just doesn't seem worth the effort to say one single word. Lately, the latter days are multiplying like bunnies in springtime.
Too many battles lost and a sense that my game plan is as weak as my tired legs and back. What good have they done me, anyhow? Those damn legs keep walking down the wrong path and the connection between brain and body seems to have been all but severed, hanging on by a string that is only there for show and doesn't have any really connection to anything.
Did I once have dreams? Or, have I been wandering aimlessly through my own life, falling into holes and climbing out of them without really knowing how or why I fell in the first place. I'm feeling sullen. And, odd. Like I don't fit into my own body... and certainly not into my life. the mirror, in the water, in my head. Who am I? I've come to the conclusion that the answer to that question changes with the tides and who stands with me. I am this for you and that for them. But, for me... who the hell am I? This, my 40th year on earth, and I still have no idea what I am doing, where I am going, or who the hell I really am.
How, as a mother and pseudo -wife , separate myself from those roles ad figure out who I am without upsetting the delicate balance that has kept me teetering (but, not falling too often) all these years? I want to be the mom who left her 5 boys and went to Paris for 3 years, in the middle of their upbringing, to study art and find herself. I want to be that actress, who didn't start her career until she was 40, because it was the first time she tried, and she was a great success immediately. I want to write the book, the best seller that lets me tell the truth and have people understand where I am coming from and want to go there with me. I want to be me, the me that doesn't hide for fear of disapproval... if only I can figure out just who "me" is.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

What is in there?

Without proper diet medicine is of no use, with proper diet medicine is of no need.
— Ancient Ayurvedic precept

I get the feeling that if we start only eating foods that have 100% ingredients that we actually know what they are...
well, the whole world would change. Think about it.

Friday, April 22, 2011

the stubborn and slow springtime

So far, this spring season has been a big ol' bummer. It's been colder than average, cloudier than necessary (yes, I decide what's necessary), and just miserable. My unheated greenhouse is not what it was last year. So far, not a single tomato or pepper seed has sprouted. Plenty of basil, chamomile, oregano, thyme, sage, dill, broccoli, cabbage, onions, and zinnia... you'd think I would be grateful for what I have... and, I am. BUT, I need those mater and peppers to sprout or there will not be time for them to mature in this short New England season. If I have to buy plants, I will have to go light on my crop .(the heirlooms cost a fortune!)
Instead of 40 tomato plants, I'll have 6. I will also have to settle for the varieties that the grower chose, instead of the funky ones I spent my winter dreaming about.
So sad. Not end of the world sad, but sad in a way that I feel a little spoiled complaining about yet not enough to stop me from feeling slighted by Mother Nature.

Sunday, April 17, 2011


Yesterday, the new Bon Appetit arrived in the mail. For me, this is a big deal. This is my food porn. I kept it in it's plastic wrapper until I had the opportunity to sneak away to the tub with a glass of Montes Cab and some much needed bubble time. Cover to cover... AWESOME!!!!!;-
"The Italy Issue" is a wonder of yum and delish and ooooooohhhhhh and ahhhhh. I am thinking now that running away to Italy sounds like the best idea ever. Or, I could just stay here and cook my little ass off until it smells and feels like Italy.
There are recipes for making your own sodas, chocolate tiramisu, and a raw salmon salsa that has me drooling. I dream in food. And, no, I am not pregnant, just bloated and fat, thank you very much.
Bartender! I'll have a Negroni... make a a double!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

go vernal

Vernal pools are cool, we have serveral on the property here and I am looking forward to putting on the rubber boots and grabbing my net this weekend for some exploration.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Mary, Mary, quite contrary...

How will my garden grow?
I can't wait to see!
The last of the seeds arrived yesterday, in record time, too! I placed both orders on Thursday and they both arrived yesterday, one coming from CT and one from MI... quite different distances! I don't know how, but I am grateful!
I have them all sorted out, of course. I am ready for planting today! I may have to bring the seed trays in later this week, when it might SNOW. Dammit, snow, can't you see we are done with you?!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Thank you, Mother

I am THRILLED!!!! I saved seeds from my Tigger melons last season and they are viable! Sprouted and growing as I type! Considering that a packet of 25 seeds costs $3.50... well, it's incredbly exciting to me that I can buy one packet of seeds and then be able to produce melons and then viable seeds year after year. $3.50 can provide gorgeous, fragrant melons for years... YEARS!
Think of the possibilties... I spent $120 on seed this year. That $120 could potentially feed my family fresh, organic veg (and make me some serious $$$$) for years to come. I am in awe of what mother nature has provided me. I am in awe and oh so grateful.

Here are some facts about Tigger Melons:
The Tigger Melon is an open-pollinated melon that is among a full spectrum of heirloom varieties that have not seen any hybridization or commercialization as netted melons and watermelons have. It has little exposure to the commercial market and is considered a farmers market melon. Its heirloom status makes it vulnerable to pests and disease, allowing for typically minimal yields.

A petite heirloom melon, the tigger's smooth rind has vertical variegations of rust orange and yellow. The melon's creamy, off-white flesh is very aromatic, juicy and subtly sweet. Average tigger melons weigh a modest one pound.

Slice tigger melons in half, remove seeds and fill with cut, fresh fruit, then serve as an edible bowl. Puree tigger and strain to remove the juice from the pulp; add sugar and agar agar, pour into a container, chill until set, then slice and serve as gelatin. Chop melon and combine with sugar and pectin in a saucepan, then cook until thickened pour jam into jars. Tigger melons will keep, refrigerated, for up to two weeks.

The tigger melon was originally discovered in Armenia. Like most melon varieties it prefers warm to hot growing days of summer in temperate and Mediterranean regions.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Irish-American and proud of it!

(We don't talk much about the French-Canadian side, shhhhh)
Dinner tonite... Corned Beef and Cabbage, of course! And, a nice Guiness to wash it all down.... YUM!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Veg list 2011

This is the list of veg that I will be growing for the 2011 season. Seeds have been started and the smell of soil is in the air again! The big office and greenhouse cleaning is complete and there is a faint soil stain on my fingertips today. Does it get better than this? Yep, every day it does.
Dragon Tongue

Golden Wax
Kentucky Wonder
Lazy Wife
Romanesco Italia
Early Wonder
Couer De Boeuf Des Vertus
Mammoth Red Rock
Snowball Self Blanching
Shin Kuroda
Cosmic Purple
Early Russian
Marketmore 76
Mexican Sour Gherkin
Telegraph Improved
Thai White Ribbed
Little Fingers
Thai Round Green Petch Parisa
Bleu De Solaise
Classic Mesclun Mix
Salad Bowl
Black Seeded Simpson
Flat of Italy
White Lisbon Bunching
Burgundy Red
Sugar Ann
Sugar Snap
Golden Sweet
Blue Podded
Mini Red Bell

Thai Red Chili
California Wonder
Golden Marconi
French Breakfast
Saxa 2
Purple Plum
Bloomsdale Long Standing
Merlo Nero
Crookneck Early Golden Summer
White Scallop
Zuchini Black Beauty
Black Futsu
Waltham Butternut
Marina Di Chioggia
Yellow Pear
Orange Fleshed Purple Smudge

Sungold Select II
Black Cherry
Violet Jasper
Chadwick Cherry

Alot, huh? That list doesn't include herbs and flowers because I am not done picking out seeds for them yet. The veg that I chose this year is all heirloom, mostly purchased from Baker Creek Seed Co. The very best of the best. I may still add to the list if I come across some cool plants somewhere. The only place I can really imagine that happening is at Fiske Gardens... the ONLY place I have found any plants worth buying within 50 miles. Good stuff, and if you're lucky, you might get some gardening advice from a Mass Hort hero.

Friday, March 11, 2011


The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.
[Ivy Baker Priest]

Fine design

Hudson Furniture has absolutely the most wonderful sconces I have found! (and, I've been looking for a year or more). These will be perfect here! Put me down for 8!
Make sure you check out the furniture, too. Breathtaking!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

crunchy guitars

I heard Pantera as bumper music on NPR this weekend! Three cheers for diversity!
I do not believe our government needs to continue to fund NPR in any capacity. PBS, now that's a different story all together. There are children who get the ONLY bit of good in their lives from Sesame Street and it's colleagues. NPR is radio, listened to by mostly white, mostly affluent, college educated adults. Two very different entities and I wish folks would separate the two.
NPR already manages to raise 90% of it's funding, so I think it won't be too difficult to raise that other 10%. I'll start giving myself to protect my daily background noise! NPR is a huge part of my life, but I don't believe it's the US government's responsibility to pay for it, especially when programs that feed the hungry and keep the elderly warm are at stake.
Why is it so hard to see that we need to cut the salaries of EVERY SINGLE POLITICIAN to fit more averagely into the realm of their constituents' salaries so that they can make better choices when passing laws that affect us all!
Come one people, I'm not that smart... and even I know better.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

We used magic markers... kids these days have other options. Such a fun idea! So many other cool things on this site, too, that I overheated my computer browsing through.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

They want it!

Last Nick, around Midnight, we got a panicked call from Nick. Apparently, instead of hanging out at his buddy's house like he had told us, he had gone to a party in Holden where the parents were away and the kids had alcohol. His panic was justified, as he was standing in between to police officers at the time.
I pull up to the house where there are 4 local and two state police cars and not one, but TWO ambulances. My heart sank. Poor stupid kids. Once I approach the driveway, I am told that the kids who didn't get arrested are inside waiting to be released. Oh, good, glad I'm wearing my good pajamas. Closer to the door, I can hear teenage girls wailing and sobbing.
"What is your child's name, Ma'am?"
"Nicholas the fool"
He walks slowly toward the door, his neck a good half foot below his shoulders at this point. I ask the officer what exactly happened. It's simple: parent's in Chicago, underage drinking party.
"Thank you, have a good night." (that was Nick, I was speechless.)
I'm calm in these kind of situations. Spill something and not clean it up and I am likely to yell and stomp. Big stuff, for some reason, does not rile me.
We talk. His breath is booze. I ask what he drank. A Mike's hard and some UV blue vodka, "which was nasty by the way". I give him a mint, he thanks me for not killing him yet. We talked calmly about the party, how his good friends has told him not to go, how he just wanted to go to one of the parties he hears about on Monday mornings. He tells me who was there, who got arrested, and who was in what kind of trouble. I let him know he will be enjoying hard labor without parole for a time frame undetermined. Could be forever. We'll see how the hard labor goes.
The one thing that bothers me about this whole thing is not that my kid drank and got in trouble. It's his first offense and it's expected. The thing that really gets me is one girl sobbing on the couch when I arrived at the party house. Nick's friend, we'll call her Bulia. She was just sitting there, with her hands in her lap, quietly sobbing. When Nick and I talked about it, he told me that she was upset because her mother wasn't. Her mother wasn't mad, or disappointed or bothered at all. Every kid's dream, right? "Cool" parents who don't mind when you screw up.
I know so much about this girl and it kills me that her parents don't seem to find any of it alarming. She's cutting herself, sending nude pics by text to her "friends", and now has been told that it is ok to drink.
I feel proud of my choices as a parent. I'm not cool, and I'm good with that.

Friday, March 4, 2011

More seeds are on the way

From the first time I laid my eyes on the Baker Creek Seed Catalog, I have been in love. The brilliant photos and old time world varieties of veg seeds. Good god, a garden goddesses dream come true!
Last year, I grew their seed for the first time... and now, I am not only in love, but a loyal and willing follower of the BC Seed Co.
Second order of the season placed today, featuring the marvel of Romanesca Brocoli.
Pretty sexy for a vegetable, don't you think? I do, and I am not ashamed to admit it.
The greenhouse is warming up and calling my name...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

where's the damn exit?!

Ha... how amusing in this first cup of joe. Don't look for the exit, dummy! I kill me.
"See the good in others"
Ok, I love a challenge. When did I stop seeing it, anyway? When it stopped being there, perhaps. No, that can't be. There is good, lots of it.
Last year was the get rid of negative year. This year will be find the good.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

my plate always has room

I will be starting cooking classes in my kitchen this week....
It has come to my atttention that there are some simple skills that need to be taught to some of my dear friends, so I must do it!
This week's lesson:
Roasting poultry
I figure if I have it mastered, anyone can do it!

Friday, February 4, 2011

damn you, liddle people

The couple who adopted Lacey brought her back. The poor woman stood in my entry crying and shaking for 10 minutes yesterday. I felt for her, but also for Lacey, who is just a normal puppy in need of comfort and structure. You can tell people what will be required of them, but they don't really hear what you're saying due to the floppy ears and wet nose effect. Ah well, the positive is that I will have more time to work with her and make her even more attractive to a potential new family.
The thing is... we already committed to taking not one, but TWO ten week old red nosers that are due to arrive on Thursday! Am I nuts?! Am I spelling rhetorical correctly? I yuess it will be the dog days of winter for me. Do they let human's into doggie heaven? My sister says I'm going there and I'd hate to be stuck at the gate with melting frosty paws in my bag.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

cycle, though it is possible to forget how to ride it

Wasn't Thanksgiving two weeks ago? Three? Ooh...nearly ten...
I'm trying hard to not let time slip by like that, but I'll be damned if I can figure out how to do it. The holidays merged into snow days and dog adoptions and more freaking snow days. I was feeling so lovey and blessed for my sweet children at the end of December... that's over. And, as I recall, February is not the kind of month that makes everyone feel all shiny happy better.
No worries! I have solved my February doldrums before they will happen! Two, not ONE, but TWO puppies will arrive here on February 10th. Two fuzzy, little, snuggly, silly joyful fur balls to lighten everyone's mood and give us something to giggle about. J is going to name them and we will have the fun of training two clean slates to be the best family dogs ever. These two will be exposed to every possible scenario. Cats, kids, babies, noise (nothing like some call of duty to numb you right up), other dogs, being held and smushed, and, most fun... snow! Puppies + snow = giddyhappylove. There is NOTHING like baby animals to make your heart swell.
I feel so lucky to be able to foster dogs at our house. I have this "save the world" thing in my head and I feel this incredible NEED to do something about it. I love these dogs and I seem to have a knack for training them, so I have to save as many as I can. SO far, two. I wonder how many I can help in a year?

Friday, January 14, 2011

I've been writing in my notebook instead

Working titles for my book:

"No" And Other Things I Should Have Tattooed On My Forehead

Pee On The Seat... Life With Boys

My Family Is Crazy Part 1 of 27

For The Love Of Boys

My Busy Brain And What I've been Doing With It

Wouldn't Change A Thing : My Life So Far

Saturday, January 8, 2011

hibernation time!

It's been a whole month since I have written anything except a list. I can't use the excuse that I don't have time, because I have plenty of time. I hate that excuse! It's the worlds biggest lie! We all have time and we chose to use it in different ways, but , really, if you WANT to do something, you'll have time for it.
I've been using my time to walk in the woods, train with the dogs, invent in the kitchen, snuggle any kid who will let me... clean this massive house. The usual, boring, wonderful stuff. I am happy to have no drama in my life, save the natural teen stuff that occurs here and there. I resolved in 2010 to eliminate the negative from my life. Funny thing... it's pretty quiet now:) The crowd has thinned and my shoulders feel less tight for it.