Wednesday, December 30, 2009

a present to myself

So, what do you think? I went looking for a handmade sushi set on Etsy... and, of course, I was lost in the search for days...until I found mudpuppy. And now I just have to wait for the mail to come. I almost hope they don't get here for New Years so that I have an excuse to get sashimi twice in one week! mmmmmmmmm tuna...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

High sugar = low me

Four days of high sugar, high fat gorging at the kitchen troff has reminded me of why I choose not to eat this way anymore. Boy, does it make me feel shitty. I have no energy. I'm kind of saddish, not for any particular reason, just kind of not smiling. Couchy. Bla.
Not doing that again. Next holiday, I will not allow this to happen. I will encourage my sister to host all holidays from now on, so that it is her refrigerator and not mine that bursts with this killer feast. That's not very nice. But, what else do I do? My mother brought an entire grocery isle with her. I don't know if she thought we were having more people than usual or if she thought that I wouldn't know to purchase food for our gathering. Gee, mom, thanks... I never would have thought of crackers. Good thing you brought 4 boxes!!!
The pie, the cookies, the trifle...geezum crow, fat was just in the damn air! I had to dump it all yesterday in an effort to save myself. I thought the boys would eat it up, but, as it turns out, depriving them of this junk has made them not crave it so much. So, against all of my urges to conserve and not waste, I had to throw it all into the trash. And, now I am free.
Last night I had a glass of red and broth for dinner. I am literally still full from Sunday and it's Tuesday! I could live off of my own reserves for weeks! GROSS.

Sunday, December 27, 2009


Made it though the holidays without so much as a scratch. It was easy. The shopping was quick and easy. The cooking was a breeze. The family gathering was fun and jovial. This holiday was nothing but a pleasure. My waistline surely shows that, too.
oh.... the gin and the red red wine, the french meat pie and the cookies of all kinds and the scallops and bacon, chicken wings, dip and the sashimi and the maki and oh god the trifle and pie... and my belly is hurting now because I have been completly overfilling full for the last 4 days in a row.
The spirit was great! Even the boys had such moments of love and giving that I nearly cried. N & D wrapped up some of their own beongings to give to us all and each other. I got the tape measure that I had lost months ago. Thanks, D. Of course N gave it to him and said "you should give this to mom". Very funny, guys. They played games that didnt plug in and laughed until coke came out of nostrils and joy was spread all over the house. Literally, ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
Bring on january with nothing on the horizon except snow, cleaning, and rebirth. What to become in 2010? hmmm

Monday, December 14, 2009

The weather outside is frightful

Yet, life is so delightful!
The back is on the mend. I finally got a doc to listen and do some tests. I am now in my third week or PT and feeling better every day. I have way too much to do this month to be stuck in bed in pain.
Lots going on here on the hillside... we've had snow more than once and it is the most beautiful place to witness the flakes falling. When it snows, I head outside and it's tough to bring myself to go back in at all. I'll be cold and wet and smiling as long as the snow falls. Now, it's just freezing cold and no fun at all. Everything is ice this morning and the weeks weather is cold cold cold with no sign of snow. Boooooo.
The mountain is open now and on the first night the boys went, D fell backwards and smashed his helmet. Cracked the thing open and a broke a chunk right off! Yes, but it wasn't his head. Thank you, helmet! I would much rather have a broken helmet then a broken boy. Helmets save lives!
Ice hockey has also begun, and the driving and craziness of it all has already started. If I ever win the lottery, I am building an ice rink in the district! (preferably right down the street from my house!)
And, if we didn't already have enough going on, I signed on to American Bulldog Rescue to volunteer and be a foster home for needy AB's. The thought of just one of those giant sweethearts being put to death because there's no room in the shelter and the family they once knew can no longer care for them... well, it was just too much for me to handle without doing something.
It's December and I'm feeling good. I'm not stressed out over the upcoming holiday. I'm not stressed about money. Granted, I could always use more, but, we have a roof over our head and food in our bellies. We have love and warmth and a damn good life. Anything more is just a bonus.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


My back hurts. A lot. More and more each time, in intervals of monthly to twice monthly. 14 days out of 30 last month. What the hell is it? it five? years ago, the new PCP listens and says "sounds like sciatica, here's some muscle relaxer." No x-ray. No follow up. Here's some pills, see ya, goodbye. It's all these years later and it's not going away and I don't want to take any more muscle relaxers, they don't work, except to knock me out so that I don't feel ANYTHING for a couple hours. I am hunched over and it hurts to sit and stand. The only thing that feels good is to be on my back with one knee bent. This is not an option.
Calling doc tomorrow.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

The lady with the little hat

Or the little lady with the hat... it's been forgotten!
My little man invited me to the Halloween Parade at his school yesterday. I love seeing his face, seeing him with his friends. He was strutting around the field like an almost 10 year old boy does. Parents are happily clicking away to keep building that scrapbook. Princesses, devils, Darth, Stromtroopers, Luigi (my personal fave), cheerleaders... No candy. No party games. Just a double around the school track and a photo op at the end. Sign em out, bring em home.
This is Halloween? This is what you guys will do with an hour to celebrate a long standing tradition? Why bother to do anything at all?
I feel bad, because I thought the whole thing was stupid. Am I a party pooper or was this no party at all?

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Gentle leader

Best product ever to stop a dog from pulling on the leash without digging spikes into their neck.

I will let you know, however, that this product only works if you use it. Don't be swayed by sad eyes and head shaking at first. This ingenius invention makes walks with my muscle machine dog a joy. It is a strap over the snout and it is tethered so that if the dog pulls, their chin is pulled gently down to their chest. Sounds crazy? Works like a charm.

I did not get paid to say this, I bought mine on the advice of my vet when I had Ginger and it was 25 bucks well spent.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

It's raining everything but money

The sky is falling! Duck! There's two cars and a house and growing boys and the fuel it takes to keep them all alive and moving, full speed. This struggle isn't very fun and who said it would be, anyway? My parents warned me that this was going to be tough. I laughed at them with a teenaged heart and unknowing soul. I will live an amazing life and it will be nothing but fun and laughter! Wasn't I just so silly in my youth? Oh, yes... and, although it comforts me to say that everyone was so silly as I, I know the truth. Not everyone has a carefree easy childhood that would allow them to be so foolish in their heart about the realities of life. Sixteen years are gone and there have been so many lessons learned. Such strong pains that, when recalled, the same burn comes back for a moment to remind you of the hurt you once felt. Luckily, it's fleeting. Let is go. There are plenty of smiles to be brought back, as well. Those are the things to hold onto. The shining moments. The good stuff.
A lot of death lately... of course, I would know none of it if I did not have a facebook account. There is an old high school friend of mine there that is the local beacon of news and information. And another old friend from the burg. I don't read that newspaper or visit those places, so I am otherwise uninformed. I kind of wish I was and have thought of cancelling my fb account just to escape it! Too many people in my age group dying. It makes me think about my own mortality and I don't like that. That's how you get a somber and serious blog like this one.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Big Mouth

Why on earth was I born with so much to say? I try to be quiet and make sure every word is important, but ,the truth is, it's a losing battle. I talk. A lot. Just ask the poor dog who has to listen to me rant and rave. God forbid I hear something on the radio that I disagree with... I will talk back to the speakers in the car... I would tell me to shut up. And all kinds of other stuff.
This is why I write. Well, one of the reasons. There are as many reasons to wirte as there are not to. What kind of brain is that to have?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

My pen was broken

I couldn't find any paper. My dog ate my hand. I have excuses for days why I haven't been writing. This morning, after reading someone elses blog, I decided that I was going to write something, anything, just write. So, here I am, with the laptop battery flashing yellow. Hurry!
Life is good. There are the usual trials and tribulations. Cars break, cel phones get washed. sashimi gets eaten, pies are baked. Take the good with the bad and never let it get you down.
The new pup is adjusting to life with our family. She fits like a glove and brings a lot of love and snuggle. She's so sweet and was quick to turn everyone soft for her. Even the 16 year old. It's great to watch.
We've been doing a lot of walking the country roads all around us. Staying out of the woods for hunting season, but there is no shortage of dirt road to visit. Last weekend, two deer ran across the road in front of us. Ear to ear smiles. Fresh air. Ahhhhhh

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Living in the moment

You hear that phrase all the time. It's advice, a mantra, and sometimes very difficult. There are those other moments that shape us that enter and reenter our minds, bringing us back to other people and places. Pushing them back requires a constant strength. And, the mantra... "Live in the moment".
If I kept living the moments that hurt me, I would spend my days in misery, replaying the heartbreak and loss. Now, why would I choose to do that? If I don't choose to move forward, I am choosing to live in the past by default. I'm finally old/wise enough to see that.
Ginger's passing reminded me that I am not in control of everything. Life takes many twists and turns, and although I can navigate to the best of my directional ability, I am not the only pilot on this vessel. When I look around at the way people drive and live and effect others with seemingly no awareness or conscience...I don't like my chances.
My next door neighbor told me yesterday that her husband heard me screaming Thursday morning... what happened? Are you kidding me? Your husband heard me screaming and he didn't feel the need to see for himself at that moment what was wrong?! So, basically any member of my family could be screaming while being thrown into the trunk of a car and you would wait two days to see what they were screaming about? Kind of like the guy who hit Ginger didn't stop until I ran out into the road screaming? He hit her and never hit the brakes until then.
I cannot wait to be all moved in to the new house. I need to get my family the hell out of here before something else happens. We're safer with the mountain lions and bears.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Sadness and filling the void

My sweet, sweet girl is gone. I have the fondest memories to carry with me, but my heart is broken to know that I will never snuggle her again. One does not cancel out the other, unfortunately. My chest is tight and I cannot describe the feeling in my heart other than to say I am empty. I have felt this way before. I know it fades in time. I need to fill the void as soon as possible. That's just my way. I don't hold candlelight memorials. I don't mark the event on my calendar for future reminder. If you ask me what day it was that my Dad passed, I could tell you it was summer and I'm pretty sure it was 3 years ago. I do remember all the things he told me about growing tomatoes and taking care of your family. I'm pretty clear on what I want in the memory banks and it's not the day he left us.In two weeks, we will be picking up Mena, a 4 month old champion American Bulldog puppy. She is coming from the same parents as Ginger. The breeder heard what happened to Ginger and offered to sell Mena to us. He had already started showing her and was planning on adding her to his breeding program. He couldn't bear the thought of us not having one of his dogs to love and new puppies won't be available until April next year. So, he offered his prize winning girl Mena, knowing that she will become a part of our family and probably never see another show.There will never be another Ginger. But, there will be another pup and we are excited to give Mena the best life a dog could ask for. Loc and Mena at the show

Mena, when she was a wee pup

Friday, August 28, 2009

In Mourning

Yesterday, Ginger ran out into the road and was hit by a speeding truck. She did not make it. We were two weeks away from getting off this dreadful street and it wasn't fast enough. My baby is gone. She was my best friend, by my side all the time. It happened right in front of me and there was nothing I could do. Our hearts are aching. She was a member of our family and we all had a special relationship with her. I know she felt like she was one of our kids and her short life was happy and wonderful. Life will not be the same without her.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tuesday already?

I spent half of yesterday at the house with my sister and the little man. Sis cleaned the insides of closets and the main bath cabinets. She was just as shocked at the grime as I was, so I know it's not me being anal. We reminisced over the smell of Murphy's--- my Dad's tried and true. Little man did some priming, but mostly lay on the couch playing with mini cars I found behind the shed. He wasn't feeling so good at all yesterday and I am kind of anxious to see how he's feeling this morning.
Hubs went to the house by himself last night. He sanded and primed the cabinets. The pipe boxing and moulding look amazing and I cannot wait to see the cabinets once they are white. He tells me the room looks so much bigger even with just the primer.
I don't know what's on the menu for today. I have a ton of laundry to do and my house needs vacuuming. Tonight, I hope to clean and prime the pantry and laundry room. Behold my glamorous life!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I'm movin to the country, I'm gonna eat a lot of peaches

We start painting tonight. I am so excited. I can't wait to see the whole house clean and painted. Right now it is kind of a wreck. The previous tenants did not take care of anything. It's amazing that someone could have this beautiful place in the woods and not care enough to take care of it.
I will care enough. I cannot believe my dumb luck, karma, whatever that brought this property and this man to my life. I am flabbergasted. I am lucky. I am grateful.
...and I'm moving to the country!