Sunday, August 30, 2009

Living in the moment

You hear that phrase all the time. It's advice, a mantra, and sometimes very difficult. There are those other moments that shape us that enter and reenter our minds, bringing us back to other people and places. Pushing them back requires a constant strength. And, the mantra... "Live in the moment".
If I kept living the moments that hurt me, I would spend my days in misery, replaying the heartbreak and loss. Now, why would I choose to do that? If I don't choose to move forward, I am choosing to live in the past by default. I'm finally old/wise enough to see that.
Ginger's passing reminded me that I am not in control of everything. Life takes many twists and turns, and although I can navigate to the best of my directional ability, I am not the only pilot on this vessel. When I look around at the way people drive and live and effect others with seemingly no awareness or conscience...I don't like my chances.
My next door neighbor told me yesterday that her husband heard me screaming Thursday morning... what happened? Are you kidding me? Your husband heard me screaming and he didn't feel the need to see for himself at that moment what was wrong?! So, basically any member of my family could be screaming while being thrown into the trunk of a car and you would wait two days to see what they were screaming about? Kind of like the guy who hit Ginger didn't stop until I ran out into the road screaming? He hit her and never hit the brakes until then.
I cannot wait to be all moved in to the new house. I need to get my family the hell out of here before something else happens. We're safer with the mountain lions and bears.

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