Monday, December 6, 2010

baby it's cold outside

Watched Elf with the biggest boy last night. He's so funny, all squished up on the love seat, looking a lot like Will in the tiny chairs at Elf school. J chose the smaller couch, he always does. Not sure why, either, but he contorts himself in odd ways to stretch out, and over and off. He's always trying to fit into places where he "shouldn't" be. He, like his mother, doesn't quite understand the concept of "should".
He and I had a long-ish talk throughout the movie, during commercials, of course. We talked about how easy it is to take for granted all the wonderful things you have in your life. He told me that all his friends talk about how good our house always smells and that J is so lucky to have a mom who bakes him cookies almost every day. He went on about the Christmas decorations that I always make from "nature" and how comforting that has been for him, no matter where we lived or what was going on. He could always count on cooking and pine boughs.
I had no idea he even noticed those things. I figure that I bake cookies all the time because the kids (and hubs) love them and they make the house smell good and feel warm on cool days. And, let's face it, these boys need a lot of things to eat! It's what my mother taught me to do... and the decorations, too. She and her pal Nancy always took us kids into the woods to gather greens for wreaths and garland. I don't know if the plastic stuff was available yet, but our mothers did it the way their mothers and grandmothers had done it before them.
Talking about it all with J made me so grateful to my own mother for giving me these gifts that I use to create a memorable and joyous life for my family. All the little things that I worry so tirelessly about are just a waste of my energy. J didn't notice that when he was 5, we were poor and had to walk to the grocery store to buy milk and bread with loose change in the middle of a snowstorm. Instead, he thought it was so cool that I allowed him to walk all that way catching flakes on his tongue and see the big plastic horses and the train tracks and that half dead bat next to CVS. "Remember, Mom? Those were the days!"

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Some people are just fucking brilliant. It's impressive and I'm in awe.
And, then... well, then you change you're profile picture and you actually belive that clicking nonsense will help to fight child abuse. And, you're so fucking proud of yourself, that you post and repost the reason you did it. Oh, you, you big philanthropist. Doesn't anybody think for more than a milli-second about anything?!
I feel like Facebook might actually be the final destruction of life as we knew it. They've added all these new "words" to the dictionary and at the same time , seem to have removed "sense".

Saturday, December 4, 2010

such a block

We write to taste life twice...once in the moment and in introspection. ~ Anais Nin

I am growing very frustrated with my inability to write as of late. I'm not writing here or in my actual pen to paper notebooks. Total drought. I just can't seem to care enough through the end of a paragraph. I see a change in the works. I think I'll reread some Vonegut and see if it does to me what it did so many years ago.

Life is good, but it makes for bad writing. I just can't sit here and go on and on about every little thing I do. It feels like bragging and that's unattractive to me. I'm trying so hard to hide my inner torture to avoid being chiche or negative, that there is nothing to let out.
Oh, god, is this some kind of mid-life bullshit? I really thought the last ten years could cover enough "crisis" to last me til I float away. Do I need to start leaving myself inspirational notes again? "You can do it!" C-H-E-D-D-A-R
Hmmm... I think I will start with Cat's Cradle.

Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
Kurt Vonnegut

Thursday, December 2, 2010

can't complain

I love the flow of things this time of year. The house smells amazing all the time. Wood stove, fresh pine, and something always on the stove. All three boys are in great moods, excited for the spoils to come. I am happy and proud to provide all that they will hold dear. I wear an apron more often than not.
Inevitably, one of our cars breaks down and it's an expensive repair. This year it's my turn, a heater core and no wheels for nearly a week. I could rent a car, but I won't. It's birthday and Christmas season and we do not use credit around here.
Either CAN afford it or we CAN'T. (the absolute secret to financial freedom)
SO, I had the privilege of staying at home and cooking and cleaning my brains out without and place else to go. Other parents had to do the driving to and fro for football. Good stuff. No guilt. The house is ready for the upcoming holiday and so am I.
I took long walks, doing 6 miles instead of 4 one morning with my sister. It is so great to connect with her and be able to exercise at the same time. Mena loves it, too. It's multi-tasking in hyperdrive and with love, what I like to call "killing all the birds".
Life is good. I am remembering to be thoughtful, aware, and purposeful. and eat breakfast. Oatmeal! I am forcing it down because I know it makes good cold weather fuel for my morning. It has become ritual before my morning walk. It's fucking cold out there these days! In the 20's! I feel pretty good about myself just for getting out the door and if I can put on a couple miles, I know my mind and body will be in shape for the rigors of my day.
I'm dealing with teenagers and trying to maintain a sense of humor and still remain intact to steer the ship. I'm staying calm with a little help from NPR, online scrabble, tea and fresh air.
I'm such a nerd. Trying not to be is such hard work and I am just not interested. Sorry, kids.I'm enjoying the opportunity to do what I please. I wish the pay was better! Ah well... it's the same old American lamentation. Money can't buy you love. Money changes everything. Money is the root of all evil. bla bla bla
This week, I am excited to finish the outdoor decorating. I get these ideas and then poor roomie has to drag around a ladder and all the patience he can muster while I pretend we are decorating for a magazine shoot. I love to be proud of my home and the way it looks and feels. Roomie thanked me last night for creating "this" and he held out his arms, signally... well, everything. That's a moment I'll treasure and try to recall this week while I'm in line at the mall. While he could never be the everything I want, he is atleast knowing I am useful and even important. How I miss my love...T

Thursday, November 25, 2010

ah yup, so it is

There's nothing like a day with the fam centered around football and food.

Mashed Potatoes
Veg... there's a veg somewhere in there, right?




Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dang it all to heck

Well, I had some big plans for today. And, they all came crashing when the Jeep decided today would be a better day at home than out running errands and working.
At first, I wanted to throw a fit. Instead, I calmly called AAA and waited the required "less than an hour" for help to arrive. When the not-so-helpful tow truck guy came out and barely tried to charge my battery before he gave up and said
"Call AAA Battery service and get a new one."
Uh.... No. NO! The battery is barely 8 months old! And, I have my receipt!
Ok, so now I throw a fit?
I laughed. I closed the hood and went inside, got my running shoes on and walked the dog for 4 glorious miles. Then, I came home, made some soup for lunch and gave myself a mani-pedi.
I remembered the wise words... I am meant to be right here, right now. If I wasn't, the car would've started and I'd be buying food and gas and wine and beer. I'd be on my hands and knees in Holden planting 4 dozen tulip bulbs for my favorite client. I'm not. Instead, I'm here, now.
My nails were a wreck.... and the dog sure does love those extra long walks... as does my ass and legs...
So, my car is dead and I don't know if it will get fixed today or tomorrow or this week at all. But, my nails are a nice shiny blood red now and I feel relaxed and well from a day of pampering myself.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Trees, trees and more trees!

So proud of my brilliant idea to stack the old drums into a tree and string lights on it, I went looking to see what the rest of the planet was doing. WOW! Did I find some interesting ideas! How many trees is it acceptable to have? I even found a drum tree, like mine! And I thought I was so unique...hmph!
Undaunted, I will share what I have found with you!
More to follow... after Thanksgiving, when it's proper to be thinking of such things!

1st Time ever!

I put up Christmas decorations yesterday! BEFORE Thanksgiving! Ok, so it's only a tree made of old drums with some colored lights wrapped around it, but it's still a big first for me!
I am trying to embrace that which I usually consider to be cliche, lame, silly, ridiculous, corny, annoying. Yep, I'm giving in to it. I want to feel all this joy I keep hearing about. I want to spread it, too, so be prepared for a side of me that may suprise you.
I also want to remodel this ugly blog. I need help. HELP!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thank you, MGC

For the reminder... of why I came here in the first place.
That I have so much to be thankful for.
It was my purpose to follow a more joyful, grateful path and somewhere along the way, I fell off. Thankfully, it's not too late to get back on that train.
So, here I go again.
Choo choo

Thursday, September 30, 2010

50 grams

Did you know that your liver can only process 50 grams of sugar a day? What do you suppose happens to the rest?

Monday, September 20, 2010

not one brain between the lot of 'em

Our wicked smaht government is at it again. They would now like to ban "sugary drinks" from state buildings. Yes, you read right. They are absolutely fucking insane.
First, it's the smoking, You can't smoke here, you can't smoke anywhere! I don't smoke, so really I have no personal stake here, but COME ON! If we're banning the act of smoking, why not take the butts out all together. Make it so that nic-feening citizens will be buying tobacco on street corners from unscrupulous dealers. While right now the unscrupulous dealer is our government... oh, wait! That's ok. Give them you're money, just don't light up where they can see you.
Then, they went for the trans fats. No trans fats allowed! Restaurants actually had to alter recipes to stay in business in the commonwealth. Has anyone seen a school lunch menu lately? Chicken patties, chicken nuggets, pizza, grilled cheese, mac -n- cheese... all carbs all the time, with a little cruelly raised antibiotic filled bird thrown in for good measure. I just can't figure out why school children are so sick and "ADHD" all the time....
Now, our brilliant leaders have another little treat for us before they are THROWN from their offices...No more sugary drinks. Have these idiots thought of reading the Orange and other "healthy" fruit juice labels? They all have relatively the same amount of sugar as soda. Could our government just once hire someone to do something useful.... such as READ a label.
I don't smoke, I don't eat trans-fats often, and I don't drink soda, but HOW DARE YOU TELL ME I CAN'T???????!!!!!!! Why is our government so obsessed with protecting it's people from themselves? Can we focus on something worthy of our time and let the "bad habits" take care of population control like they always have?

Friday, September 10, 2010

and the sun came up.... again!

Yep, I vented. I pissed and moaned. Complained. And, finally, got my point across and got the apology I deserved.
I'm just at a point in my life where "sucking it up" is no longer an option. It's someone else's turn to bottle all that shit up and feel it years later. Been there, done that. I will speak up, now. I'm not against compromise, but I'm also not going to be the one who always backs down just to make things easier. Easier for who, exactly?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

eating too many lemons?

Every time I sit here to write, the bitterness just pours out of me. I have 4 blogs in the drafts section that will never be published. I read and reread and can only sense a deep unforgiving bitterness within my soul. I am so angry. I am so disappointed in myself and everyone around me. I am so sad.
I'm so sick of feeling this way. I know it's my choice... why can't I make it?
I need to start a new season for myself, the one where I let go of all this shit I am carrying once and for all. There are no "new years resolutions" for me... I can't wait that long!
O', my achin' back!
***the painful realization that not one of my close friends or family chooses to read this blog, even though they were all given the link many moons ago... well, I think instead of hurt, I should feel relief because I can say whateverthefuckIplease and no one gets upset or offended. I am going to change the way I feel about things and stop giving a shit what anyone thinks about me.
I think Autumn is gong to be interesting and wonderful!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

and we're walking

What a week. month. summer. year.
I'm learning. A lot. alot alot alot. About myself and others and what we're capable of. I have reconnected with old friends that I treasure dearly and disconnected with less favorable acquaintances friends, intentionally. Goodbye is easy for me, I hold almost no sentimentality. My divorce and the loss of my father have taught me that life goes on until it ends. People come and go and so will I.
I am getting no where in my quest to stop talking and listen more. Well, I am listening more, but I just can't seem to shut my yap. I have some much to say! Why do I feel the need to share so much? Wouldn't it be great to have a shrink read my blog and tell me what the hell my problem is?
A camping trip on the Ashuelot, one bottle of red, an epiphany on a Sunday morning.
Ok, I'm ready to do this. Giddyup!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

ah.... whoopsie?

I was trying to be a nice person this year and I seem to have slipped and fallen, but I can certainly get up. Who am I to judge? I did what i did because of who I was and where I was. You're you and in your own place in this life.
Who am I to judge?
Like Frankie said " I did it my way" and so will you.
Thanks for the !doink! on the head, old friend. This is why I love you.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

grow up

If you cannot "afford" to spay or neuter your pets, then you CANNOT AFFORD PETS. Might just be time to grow up and start acting responsibly, don't you think? A lack of care is the same as abuse.


The fortune teller said I will live to be 91. She also said to stop worrying about my two J's, they will be fine. She said that love and money are coming. And, a trip to Florida. Also, moving. (gasp! NO!) "Pamela" gave me the usual bla bla for $10 and I enjoyed every minute, especially thinking about living to be a ripe old age of 91!
Until the ride home on 495 where the big idiot scared the living shit out me. He can drive between a concret divider and a tractor trailer at 75 mph without breaking a sweat or giving it a second thought. Meanwhile, I am having a panic attack in the passenger seat. If it were me driving, I would do everything I could to (AND WOULD!) avoid this scenario. So, a beautiful day at the beach ends in a migraine and the wish to drop the anvil.
Next time, he's not invited.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Time for a change

Sometimes, things that used to fit, don't fit anymore.
That's all.
I'm just not one of those people with a whole lot of sentimentality. I've lost people and things and survived it all. What you don't survive is the loss of yourself. I don't look back on the lost books and art supplies with sadness. I am just so damn glad to not have to lug that stuff around anymore. I kinda feel that way about some of the people I have left behind, too.
I know it sounds cold, but really, there are just toxic people and it's good to have them gone. You can't love every human you meet with unconditional understanding. That would make you crazy. (I know firsthand)I have been trying to hard to love love love and I realize now that I was wasting my energy on people I have no common ground with. Did I once? My memory is so shady that I can only think that I must have been going through such a dark time that they seemed like light at the time. My clouds are moving, now, and it feels like there are some people on the edge of those clouds floating slowly away from me.
And, I feel like just waving good bye.

Friday, August 6, 2010

It's not what you think

Are you even thinking at all?
Yes, gay couples want to have the same rights as same sex couples do. And, why not? I'm actually pretty surprised that the voters of a state like CA, which seems so liberal from over here on the East coast, would vote against this in the first place. I guess the Hollywood folks don't have much time for voting. Heck, I would've voted for same sex unions to be given full marital rights.... given the chance. Over here in MA, we didn't even get the luxury of voting.
While the rainbow flags were flying yesterday, our red, white, and blue faded even further off into the distance than those triumphant citizens could see, what with their narrow minded eyes and all. They are cheering to never again be able to vote on such a law. "Yay! My government just took even more of my freedoms from me and at the same time convinced me that it was for my benefit." They should be so embarrassed, as I am of them.
Cue the overalls and straw in my teeth: Us voters, we just aint smart enough to go around makin decisions that effect our lives.
What will you do, then, when you are not allowed to vote on something else...something that maybe hurts you. You can't be fool enough to think you always agree with judges and politicians. Can you?
This was not about gay marriage. Gay marriage was the front used to get you behind the piper. Go along now, little sheep... this won't hurt a bit.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I caught one!

We live in a rural area, next to 1100 acres of wildlife sanctuary. The wildlife is aplenty and I have been battling one wild thing in particular in my gardens. The dreaded woodchuck. He left the beans, ate the plants. Mowed down 100 sunflowers for a mid-day snack. He's the devil in my dirt.
Well, last weekend we bought a hav-a-hart trap and set it out with yummy watermelon. Each day, morning, noon, and night I checked that trap, finger's crossed, hoping to look into the eye of my nemesis.
Yesterday, when D came running in the house yelling that I caught something, I nearly smashed my face into the door trying to get out to see my success! From the top of the hill, I could see the gray little fucker.... wait, grey?
Poor thing.
A sweet little furry grey KITTEN had gone for the fruit and found herself in prison over by the green bean tipi's. Meow.
I rushed over to the cage and opened the door as fast as I could and ZOOM! I never saw anything move so fast. That cat screwed out of my garden and my yard and my life as fast as it could.
Sorry, kitty.
Since when do we have odd cats out here, anyway?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


He's about 1/2" round, filled with green goo that used to be my tomato leaves. Be prepared to lose your appetite, mister.
I'm coming for you.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

man oh man

I am overwhelmed with testosterone. OVER-FUCKING-WHELMED.
We are how ever many weeks into summer vacation and I feel like I have to be atleast a mile down the road to breath any real breaths. The ones I take here now are short and shallow and not life-giving at all. I am crushed to the floor and ground with their boasting, needing, agressing, dripping selves over and over all day and into the night. They seek me out so often, that I am reduced to taking nightly "baths", where sometimes I just run the water to be able to sit alone in a room for a half hour. The one weapon I have against their constant approach is my naked body. The threat of such a thing keeps them well at bay. Maybe I should become a nudist.
That'll teach 'em.
Nope, nope it won't. The fact is, this is the reality for a mother of three boys at the ages mine are, living the life I live. I find guilt, naturally, in my hiding in the tub. Of course, I should not feel guilt at all, instead, I should be patting myself on the back for giving myself these moments and not strangling those boys. I'm not sure (MOM) where the guilt comes from, but it always comes.
I need a day off from the never ending need machine and I will take it, guilt free. Not hearing the noise from the other side of the bathroom walls makes it a whole lot easier to appreciate the time off, especially if there's no false nudity involved.
Or laundry and dirty dishes, none of that either.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

love the one's your with

Make "I love you" the last thing you say when you hang up or walk away because you just never know who's not coming back. It's a cruel, cruel world for those who love.
**RIP TS**
I didn't know you at all, except that you were my friend's brother, a father and a husband, a son and a friend, and that you didn't deserve to die before your life was done being lived.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

summer home

The real before was peeling splintery wooden slats. Ick. This is the oops! I forgot to take a before pic pic.

ooooooooohhhhhhh.... and the after!
The tile floor is recycled from a job that roomie did. It was a kitchen floor that was about to hit the dumpster and he just couldn't stand the waste. The light colored stone is the perfect floor for our poolside living room. He chipped away the old grout and lay the tile over the course of two days. Love his ingenuity!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

over the hill and through the burg

to Grandmother's house we went... and while I entertained the sweet lady... my sunflowers, beans, cukes and marigolds were ravaged by a beast unknown to me.
That jerk.

***BATTLE 2010***

Me VS. ?Woodchuck?

It's not looking good for me. I'm not even sure if it is a woodchuck that is after my plants. Whatever it is, I am about to step up my game. Look out, Furry foe! I am going to install more fencing today and tomorrow I am going to get a trap, too. I want to see who this garden terrorist is! I want to look him in his eye before I move him to another locale. I did consider sitting on the hill with an air soft gun and hammering him with biodegradable pellets until he waved a flag and agreed never to return to my soil. But, the trap seems simpler and a lot less time consuming. I tried sitting on the hill for an hour the last time my garden was chewed. I cannot sit still! Let alone, sit still looking into my garden. I sat there and found 15 things to do and then went off and did them. Of course, as long as I'm IN the garden, the pest stays clear.
Maybe I should just move in to the pumpkin patch. There's certainly plenty of shelter under those leaves! I will be the pumpkin queen and all the squash will love and worship me.
See how nuts this creature is making me? Or maybe I inhaled some of the Neem again. Either, way, this monster must go.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

You guys stink

I am just so charged up about everything I'm doing all the time and they are just so never fucking behind me. When they ask what you're up to, they don't really want to know and they seem to be secretly hoping you'll just say "not much" and walk away. Well, I'm up to stuff. Come on! This is life, isn't it? We are all here DOING, aren't we? Aren't you?
Well, why the hell not, then?
And, if you are, but you just don't like to talk about it, then why do we have to get together socially at all if you don't want to talk about anything but the damn weather??? Text me next time it rains, I'll digress.
It's all so lame. Boring.
I might think I'm smarter than almost everyone I come in contact with. I might. A little. Or totally.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Don't worry, I'll have PMS again before you know it

I love my life.
I have the freedom to pursue my passions, and I do.
I have managed a good balance between WIFE, MOM, and ME. ME does still exist, I've insisted on it. Don't get me wrong, I am not first in line most times, but, I don't need to be. I like to be taking when the giving's all done.
I've been thinking again.
A friend played my "role" for a short time and thought of how sad and lonely I must feel. She had fed and cleaned and then they were into a game on tv and each other, without her. No one got up to dance for her when she finally entered the room. Instead, more food was ordered. Drink in hand, she retreats to the kitchen, feeling sad and alone.
Good thing you don't play MY "role" because you could'nt handle one day.
Here it is, sweety, I'm the mom and I work the least outside the home, so it is my JOB to cook and keep house. If I were the man, it would be the same (for me). Whoever is home does the home work. Brilliant idea, no?
When I am done, I am usually in a big hurry to do WHAT I WANT. And, most often, sitting in the living room staring at the television is not it. That's what the boys do. I have my own stuff.
Upon further review, I am feeling sad for you.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Green Goddess Garden Soup

1 small zucchini
1 small summer squash
2 small beets (any variety will do, but the lighter colors such as golden or chioggia will ad the flavor and nutrients without changing the green color of the soup, as the dark red beets will alter the color considerably))
5 or so spinach leaves
1 large or several cherry tomatoes
1 clove garlic
a few fresh basil leaves and some cilantro (to your liking)
1 tsp. chili garlic sauce
1/2-3/4 tomato juice

Blend it, process it... whatever you have to turn it to liquid. Taste it first, then ad salt and pepper in small amounts until it's just right for you.
Serve cold and garnish with a cherry tomato and some fresh basil or parsley

Monday, June 28, 2010

human beans

I must admit that I feel a tad paranoid whenever I think about this, but I can't stop from thinking about it. Everywhere I go, everything I see.. reminds me, forces me to think about it. Do other people think about this, too?
We (Americans or humans, I'm still not sure) seem to be getting so far away from our roots and the practices that help us to survive in the most basic and primal fashion. We are reliant on not only big oil, but also our neighbors and our government in one way or another.
What if the banking system shut down tomorrow. How much currency will you have to live on? And, how will you be able to use it at all, with most stores unable to make any transaction without a computer and a connection to the bank. Cash? Hmmm.... what an interesting idea?! Can you imagine only being able to spend exactly what's in your pocket?
Now, what happens if there is a problem with the food supply. What if, you wake up one morning and cnn is announcing that for two weeks, you won't be able to eat out, drive through, or go grocery shopping. Would you and yours go hungry?
I think we better start going back a little before it's too late and future generations don't have any of the skills they need to survive without the "help" of their government and big business. I think we already know the reliability of both at this point and should not be foolish enough to count on any decisions being made for our betterment before theirs.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Can I get a witness?

Everything is growing fabulously! The plants are the greenest green you've ever seen and the produce is organic and delicious. We have already enjoyed spinach, lettuce, pea pods (the kids aren't allowing them to become peas! Hey kids, stop eating those vegetables?!), beets, zucchini, strawberries and tons of herbs. I have tiny tomatoes, pumpkins and summer squash on the vine now, too!
I am so proud.
I am so thankful.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

a belated Father's Day

See, Dad, I did what you told me... and then some.
I sure do miss you being here with us, but, I do know that you are "here" with me.
I want you to know that every time I touch the earth, I feel your presense.
Thank you for every single thing you ever did for me.
I am the person I am because of you.

Monday, June 21, 2010


"Aint aint a word, but it used to was." C. Allen 1991
Spending too much time on Facebook is apparently wrecking the brains of middle aged kids. They are losing the ability to speak proper English, or atleast to type it.
Now, that don't make no sense.
Just sayin'!
It is what it is.
Just puttin it out there.
Please, put it away. Ok, now go grab a dictionary. Check out all the words in there... they even have meaning! Amazing, huh?
Stop tanning. Or, keep tanning, as these things have a way of taking care of themselves. ie, death.
Stop talking. Really, you don't make any damn sense anyway! I don't know how much longer I can be polite.
Here's something. FB isn't "losing" my friends. I deleted you on purpose because "hiding" you didn't cut it. I will keep saying that FB messed up so that I don't have to hurt your feelings, but the truth is that you annoy me. I don't care that you started your "period" or you can take a hundred pictures of yourself from every angle possible. Can you just change your status to "too much time on my hands, not enough brain to know what to do with it". That should cover your year.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

back the f*ck up

Seriously, sweety, if you ever approach me in front of my child or any other with that foul mouth again, I am going to have to let you know what's up. Get out of the tanning bed and hit the library. Have some damn class.
This blog could have easily been titled "Why I hate school functions". I can't even enjoy a family picnic with my 10 year old without having to hear an alleged grown woman behave like a 15 year old trying to piss of her mom and impress her friends.
She said, bla bla, shit, fuck, OMG!
What on earth makes someone think that this occasion is the perfect time to air family grievances? Too much Jersey Shore in the brain, me thinks. I dont give a fuck what your mom said or did and I dont care what you did, either, just get the hell away from me and mine. Sorry for your kid, but protecting mine from such nonsense is my priority.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

fist pump

I am beside myself.
Yesterday, I found myself walking into a JC Penney with my 17 year old son, who said this knock me on my ass statement "I'm really liking the writing thing. I enjoy it. Next year, I am going to kick ass in creative writing,"
I literally tripped over my sandal and half crashed into him and the door.
Don't overreact!
If I get all excited and jump up and down and tell him how proud and happy I am at this moment, I might scare him off. He may choose auto mechanics just to spite me.
"Cool", I say, "I can totally relate to the writing thing."
This was my moment and it went by so quick. Off to Sperry's and plaids and the Celtics chances in game 6. Off to a million other things that fly in and over and around me but do not penetrate. Now, I have to wait patiently for the next one or try to initiate some moments of my creation. They tend to fall flat compared to the ones that come flying at you like a comet and leave you trying to see again with that light in your eyes.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

won't do that again

WOW! Went away for the weekend and need a whole new vacation to recover from that almost 48 hour stretch of... what was that, anyway? Whatever it was, it did not end well and has left me thinking about a lot of things... about toxicity and love and tolerance. Are my levels normal, nurse? I'm feeling not.
Thanks goddess yesterday was a fruitful work day and the joy in that so elevated my mood. Today, I plan to remind myself often to stay on this path. If I don't, it's nobody's fault but mine.
Nobody's fault but mine
It's nobody's fault but mine
Try to save my soul tonight
Oh, it's nobody's fault but mine

Devil he told me to roll
Devil he told me to roll roll roll roll
How to roll the log tonight
Nobody's fault but mine

Brother he showed me the gong
Brother he showed me the ding dong ding dong
How to kick that gong to life
Oh, it's nobody's fault but mine

Got a monkey on my back
M-M-Monkey on my back back back back
Gonna change my ways tonight
Nobody's fault but mine

I will get down rollin' tonight
Nobody's fault

Thursday, June 10, 2010

An ounce of prevention

There will be people that will come into your life with the sole purpose of taking something from you. That doesn't mean you have to sit idle and wait for it to happen and then fight a brave fight. You can also keep your eyes WIDE open and eliminate them as soon as you see an inkling of threat. Remove the threat before you are facing a real problem, before you lose anything. You'll have to hone your skills of seeing through people, of course, but transparency can come if you pay good attention. There are incidents and accidents, hints and allegations. (PS, so brilliant)
A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says why am I short of attention
Got a short little span of attention
And wo my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family
What if I die here
Who'll be my role-model
Now that my role-model is
Gone Gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound
The sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen! and Hallelujah!

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

no junk in this trunk

They don't call it "junk" for nothing!
When are the PC police going to step up and do something about us skinny girls and the abuse we take from the world? If I ever said "Girl, you so fat, put down that cupcake!" in ANY situation, I would be booooo-ed, chastised, and thrown from the car/bus/room/staircase within seconds. However, it's perfectly fine for you to tell me that I am too thin and need to go eat some of those same cupcakes.
I've been thin all my life. I eat a healthy, diverse diet and I am physically active every day of my life. It's how I was raised and it's how I am raising mine because I enjoy being healthy and I want the same for my family. But, we live in the good ol' USofA, and here, if you don't consume mass amounts of shitty processed drive thru crap, you are looked down upon. I have been laughed at, called names, and accused of starving myself. And, it's all fine and dandy, because...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

everything's growing

including, a bit of anger and some resentment. A little humiliation thrown in for good measure.
Out, damn spot.
I'm vigilant now. I'm not asleep at the wheel. No comfort zone bliss here. Almost... but, a quick reality check and I'm back.
Just needed to clean off the lenses. I see.
Problem is, I'm not "cool" anymore. I'm red fucking hot.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Here's a thought...

Princeton has a road widening project going on, much to my and the neighbors' disappointment. Yet another example of our government working AGAINST the people. This is a "stimulus" project. They call it "stimulus" hoping it will confuse you into thinking that they are giving us all something. I see my tax rate as the only thing being stimulated around here, and my agitation.
This project will speed up the traffic, making it a less safe place for our children to ride their bicycles, for us to walk our dogs, and for the horses that travel up and down this road on any given day. There are 6 residences on this section of road and as far as I know, not one of them are for this project. Everyone likes the bumpy country road. It slows people down.
Too bad, so sad, it's happening. Last fall, they starting taking down trees. A crew of trucks with Florida plates spent nearly two weeks cutting down old and young trees up and down the road. So, I realise that stimulus money sent for MA is now employing a company and men based out of Florida. Hmmm.... seems kind of unfair. Isn't the money meant to create jobs in MA?
Now, a whole new crew has arrived to widen the road. Where are they from? Not here.
Here's an idea that I would have thought would be obvious, but I see now that NOTHING is obvious. For these projects, why not give a call to all the residents IN Princeton who are unemployed. Offer them the jobs. Temporary jobs, but money in the pocket and food on the table. Stimulus for Princeton residents... makes sense, doesn't it?
They have our numbers! They have our addresses! How can a government expect it's people to rise to greatness when they encourage such laziness? Here's a job, if you don't take it, you stop getting unemployment compensation. Done. Cut the fucking red tape, make some sense and be proactive!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

no polaroids

Ever notice, when looking through family albums, you don't see a bunch of photos labeled "worst day ever". We don't generally take pictures at funerals (you scrapbook crazed lunatics at the casket are fucking insane, by the way), the day someone passes, the day we lose a job, the day we lose our house, our minds.
I, in fact, did not take pictures during my separation and divorce, of anything. There were some happy moments in there, for sure, but I was not in the mode of "recording our life story". Sorry, kids, I hope you have good memories!
There is a reason why we don't (usually) take pictures of our sad moments... we count on our memory bank to destroy them for us over time. And, thank goddess, too, because it sure makes forgiveness easier.

Monday, May 17, 2010

all fired up

... and the sun isn't even up yet!
Busy brain is in high gear. I love these hyper productive bouts.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

backwards thinking

Why is it that there are towns in this state that are willing to close up a library and cut the staff of the police and fire, yet they will approve monies to build a playground, when there are already two in the town?!!!!!!!
COME ON PEOPLE! Another playground? Another spot for bored local teens to do drugs and have sex after dark? Oh, yes, of course there are the few children who bounce around the equipment during the day, until someone finds a used condom or needle and everyone stays away. Most people have some kind of giant plastic toy in their own yard or keep the kids parked in front of the tv (where they are "safe" haha).
Libraries enrich a community like nothing else can. The gift of books and programs that are accessible to the entire community, from babies to the elderly. Playgroups, book clubs, books on tape, museum discounts, helpful information, community support, large print books, magazines and newspapers, history, art, life!
(it's not even my town and I'm pissed as hell! Orange cannot afford this loss!)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

*warning: graphic miseducation*

I met an old lady yesterday who told me she "can't have spices". We were standing over the thyme admiring it, offered her some for her cooking, and she said "Oh, no, I can't have any spices. No salt, no pepper, nothing! It's because of my medicines."
Is this true? Could it be possible to eat food with no seasoning at all?!
Who has told this woman such a thing? And, the awful thing is that you can never convince an old lady that what she thinks is right could be wrong.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Here's what they did to you

They had loud fast moving commercials during your favorite television shows that told you to "turn up your doing dial". You ran down to the giant orange store and bought all the plants you could fit into your car. You got those suckers right into your dirt and stood with pride at the end, sweat and soil across your brow, just like the guy on tv.
Then, May in NE carried out the usual punishment for your miseducation. And, the big orange store will get another handful of your hard earned cash. Just like they planned.
Sorry, man, I told ya! You looked at me like I was a fool for waiting and now your plants are dead. Will ya listen to me now?
Don't buy anything from the box stores. You're bringing disease to your garden and to your neighbors, too. That blight last summer? Didn't start at your LOCAL greenhouse. Those plants you bought spent time in a shipping container with thousands of other plants. No one was checking them to remove a diseased plant right away before it infected other plants. At a small, local greenhouse you can be assured that someone is walking up and down those aisles checking plants on a daily basis.
Get the farmer's almanac or similar calendar. The calendar doesn't lie! Here in MA, we can't plant tenders until the end of May. Period. It does not matter if we have hot weather in May, we will always have a frost before the end of the month. If you put tomatoes out before the last week of May, you better have a really good cover system (and even the best are not foolproof).
Turn off your tv. Seriously, turn it off and get out.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Jumping in

Well, hell, why not?
I'm unemployed. They're underemployed. Might as well use what you know and give it your best effort, right? I'm taking my unemployment compensation this week and investing it (small as it is) into the possibility of once again owning my own business. I can run it like nobody's business, crunching numbers and solving problems, but I will need some push to stay motivated in bringing in new business. That's where I tend to flounder. I get comfy, even lazy. When I was selling greeting cards, I did well and then just stopped. Bored. Next!
Attention span issues aside, we're going to give it a go and see what we're capable of.
After all, I am a "Certified Dirt Worshipper". Can't go letting that education go to waste. (thanks, Dad)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

True Story

Yesterday, when I lifted the rear door of the Jeep to put the recycling bins in, I saw Dedee Pfeiffer's boobs. No lie. There they were, scarcely disguised behind a pair of heart suspenders. The word PLAYBOY is neon pink/orange nearly blinds me. What the hell?
Yep, and upon closer inspection, I discover three more mags just like it, all from 1998-2002. So, I wonder, why are there four Playboys from Jeremy's collection in the back of my Jeep? Was this a conspiracy to embarrass me, a practical joke? I hope so! It would have been very funny if someone else had discovered them... like my mother, or one of the kids. Ha ha funny stuff. I text Jeremy to ask why he put them there. He has no idea what I'm talking about. Uh oh. Who did it then? I ask N and he says he doesn't know. He's a pretty stealthy liar, so I walk away doubtful that I got the correct info. J is already at school, so upon being asked a second time, N say J did it. Hmmm.... throwing it J's way could get you a nice round bruise on your arm... could this be the truth?
In the end, it was N who did it. Apparently, the J and N had a stash of their father's mags in their bathroom and D found it. He was making a lot of noise about them (I never heard a word, but then again,. there are so many words to hear) and had to be silenced. So, N was to hide them from D. J and N decide this is the only way, because the mouth of D cannot be silenced, even with duct tape and threats. (they've tried both) N thought it a good idea to throw them into the back of my Jeep. Why? I don't know. He doesn't know. He's 14 and his hormones have taken over. It's kind of funny to watch them be so ridiculous. And, a little scary.
In the end, Jeremy didn't notice the mags were missing and didn't care to get them back. "too many fake blondes with fake tits. no tiny asians."
Great, there's another 5 years of therapy.
Isn't family life fun?

Monday, May 3, 2010

a couple of points I'd like to make

First. I think the ERA has ruined women and families. Anybody want to compare jouvenile crime rates from 1950 to those of today? There's no point. Divorce rates? Depression? Those equal rights are so not equal because the creator made us different, not equal at all. Anybody who says men and women are the same is just plain wrong.
Do you know what that amendment really did to us, ladies? I'll tell you. It allowed us to a man's job AND a woman's job. Now we get to do both. Oh, joy, twice the responsibility and work.
I know, I know. I wouldn't take it back. I like that I'm a tough broad who can dig a ditch (literally) and whip up a home cooked meal that'll leave you licking your chops for days. The ERA changed America for the good and the bad. I know that the good is REALLY FUCKING GOOD, but the bad is REALLY FUCKING BAD, too.
Second. I want to tell my girls who are in the throe's of drama and anxiety that it's going to be ok. We're going to get through it all together. Before you know it, we will be looking back at this time and be proud of all we have conquered and risen from. It's going to take time and it's going to feel like forever, but it will happen and it will be so worth the wait. Make a list. Check it a billion times. Look forward. You're a badass and no one can take from you what you truly want and deserve. I love you!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

good manners. self control.

"How can one hope to attain a high degree of advancement in life, in character-building, or in all-around success, without complete control of personal habits, both physical and mental? The truly successful man has all his faculties under control. He has a strong grip on himself, and holds to his task of self-government under good fortune and bad, through prosperity and adversity. "

Good advice 110 years ago, good advice now.
Stop with the "can't" and just do it. Or don't. But, let it be your choice.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Charles Bukowski

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live."

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Yesterday, I went out into the garden with my coffee and checked my cel phone for the time what seemed like an hour later... 2:19. I had gone back and forth to get water and tools from the greenhouse and did some digging in the dirt and completely lost the hours. Love those moments!
I have to confess, I have a lot of them these days. This last year of unemployment has changed time for me. I live on school hours because of the kids, but on the days they aren't there, I am just oblivious. If you know me at all, this is a great achievement! While others are making resolutions to work harder and do more, I am trying to slow down, loosen up, do less. So far, I'm keeping my promises to myself. Isn't it about fucking time?!
This week, A and I went up to Brattleboro, Vt for a day of fabulous views, a super quaint downtown complete with a hot boy in a cool store(he said we can't live there), records, books, *toys*, beads, googul and yummy yummy Thai Bamboo lunch. Whoofreakingwho! Such a long time coming and so worth the wait! Another promise to myself, kept. I do not whine about not getting time for myself any more. I TAKE time for myself. No questions, no guilt. I work hard, I deserve to play sometimes, too. I get what I need, and a lot of what I want, too, these days.

Here is some advice I got a few years ago from an old friend. I took it and ran...
Don't stew and hate your own life because of what others "do" to you or "make" you feel.
Own your shit!
Every single breath is a choice by you, so don't let anyone elses plan ruin yours. Just don't forget that you won't be the only one out there getting what you want. Don't take compromise as a failure to get what you want. Look at it as an opportunity to do right by someone else, above your own desires.
Never confuse your wants with your needs.
Never break a promise to yourself.
If your intentions are good, good things happen.
Karma isn't bs, don't joke about that shit, LIVE IT.
Smile, it makes you look prettier.

Now, that friend completely screwed me over before moving across the country to destroy a new set of lives. I did not think she was a good mother, wife, or friend. But the advice she gave (and never took) was always stellar.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Yesterday, I watched you pull into the school parking lot. You were driving kind of fast and you were on your cel phone. You nearly hit the blue Honda when you pulled into the parking space. I watched you fumble with you keys and your purse as you got out of your SUV, at one point holding your keys in your teeth so that you could take off your sweater...that little phone wedged between your ear and your shoulder the whole time. I stood behind you in line and overheard your conversation, a lot of snarky she and he and hahaha. I had to duck from being hit in the face when you waved to your son. You brushed my shoulder and apologized, immediately letting the person on the phone know that you did this and how funny it was. hahaha You whispered "hi" to your boy and rushed him out the door through the throng of parents, into the parking lot and into your SUV. You drove out of that parking lot, still on your cel phone. You never took one minute to greet your child and ask him about his day.
Do you have any idea how you must be making your son feel? I'll tell you this, I am only an observer and it hurt me to watch you. I can only imagine it hurts tenfold when it is you who is being ignored by the one person whose love you should be able to count on at the end of a long day at school.
Shame on you, lady. Put your damn cel phone away and be present in your own life.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


sit up straight
eat more vegi's
go for a walk
sleep enough
breath, and breath again
see the wide view
stop at one cup, one glass
drink enough water
watch your mouth
stop worrying so much

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The growing season is upon us!

Yippee! This year, I have a sun room to start my seeds in. I can hardly believe my luck on this one. My thumbs are so green, I have to hide them in my pockets so I don't get mistaken for Fiona! I have been itching to get into some soil of my own for so long... last year I spent my time in other people's gardens, this year I am all mine. And, the biggest bonus, the soil here is organic, has always been organic and will always be organic.
I have already started spinach, basil (3 kinds), oregano, sage, cilantro, chamomile and zinnias (2 kinds). I have many, many more varieties to get started. From past experience, I know how much food I can grow in a season with a big garden. We won't have to buy fresh veggies or herbs from July through November if I don't have any major pest or disease issues. I plan to return to my roots and do some canning. Although, they should call it jarring... We need to get used to eating in season and being more self sufficient. The economy is so fragile and I don't want my family to go without good nutrition if hubs loses his job.
By the end of this weekend, I hope to have most of my pots filled with soil. It's quite a task, considering that I have over 200 pots. For the last 6 years, I've only been able to grow my garden in pots, so I have accumulated quite a collection. Even my plants have been packed and ready to go at a moments notice! Now, I will use the bulk of them to decorate the sprawling decks outside. I plan to use the not-so-pretty ones for seed starting and giving. I suppose I could sell some, too, if the need arose. One paycheck at a time!
I am just so excited to get growing. There is nothing like planting a seed and watching that seed sprout into gorgeous green, reaching up to the sky and bursting with life. I never never get tired of this cycle. I will be watching 1,000s of them over the next 2 months and each and every one will be a gift of life that I am very, very thankful for.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Reason # 435 why I don't want this bill

The Orthodontist called this morning to let me know that Mass Health has denied the claim for my 14 year old's braces. Yes, he needs them. No question about it, two docs have confirmed that fact. But, the insurance that the state of Massachusetts FORCES me to have refuses to pay any part of the bill. Awesome. Thank you to my government, once again, for a job undone.
Of course, now I can appeal. I have 30 days and then they have 6 months to get back to me and let me know if their "panel" has changed their mind. I think it's crazy to put our government in control of our health care. Absolutely fucking insane.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Once again

Those motherfuckers in Washington. They knew that 70% off America DID NOT WANT this bill passed and they looked right past us all and did it anyway. Well, the Democrats did. The elections coming up in November are going to be filled with Dems gone Independent as a last ditch hope to hang on to office. No, sorry, I don't think so. And, all you Democrats out there should be outraged, too. They took advantage of their lucky party majority and screwed the American people out of even more of our hard earned dollars, AGAIN! How much of this are we going to take?
Please please someone out there tell me why I have to tighten my belt when times get tough and my government gets to spend more and just keep on taking.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

there will be none of that

Why don't I ever give myself the same considerations and acceptance that I give to every other human being on this planet? I don't really want the answer, but the question was asked again loudly yesterday. (only by me and in my own head, of course) It seems that no matter how much I do in a day, I never feel like it's enough. There's always at least one thing that should have been done. Where am I even getting this "should have" BS I do not know, and it is driving me to the brink.
I know I should be glad that I am so high energy, but it's fucking exhausting.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

professional development day

I had a meeting with the 8th grade team yesterday. As it turns out, my son is intelligent and witty beyond his years. His teachers love him and are impressed with his ability to grasp very adult concepts, especially politics and world issues. This was no meeting to discuss behavior. He is friendly, helpful, and participates in class. However, he is failing or nearly failing most of his classes because he refuses to do homework. He has actually told teachers "I don't do homework." I have fought this fight at home for so long and I am growing weary
If he chooses not to do his school work, there is no real consequence to him and he knows that. We have taken away every privilege possible and he could care less. Take away the video games and tv and he'll do word searches and play legos. No graduation ceremony? Please, "that crap is so lame". So, he has chosen to do the bare minimum, fail a couple classes he finds uninteresting and accept the punishments without flinching. And, there's not a thing any of us can do about it.
That was one hell of a school meeting, unlike Any other I've ever had, and I have had plenty (thanks, J). Usually, the teachers have all sorts of suggestions to get the boy back on track. Not this time. They actually recognize that N has the ability and the means and just needs grow some more. He'll be in honors classes next year anyway, because they know who he is and what 8th grade can be for even the most brilliant children.
Finally, this battle is over.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

another annoying American language trend

Adding "just sayin'" to the end of any sentence you deem to be clever and/or interesting.
Stop it, America, you sound so dumb.
Go get the dictionary ( and look up redundant. It's not good.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What they don't tell you

... is that once you start using a nose hair trimmer (that your ex got you for xmass as a cruel joke the year you split up), you can never stop or you will look like a neanderthal. Your nose hairs will be known and seen from far and wide, as they wrap the outside of your nostrils and proceed to reach and cover your eyes and lips. Small children may go missing, only to be found as adults tangled up in hair, hanging from your nose.

I think I remember a similar realization after I began plucking my eyebrows. Someone told me I should pluck them, I listened, and now I am subjected to a life of tweezers, wax, or cave woman style.

Tre' shit

Monday, March 8, 2010

Less is more

We don't need so much stuff.
8 years "clean" this month.
I feel a lot better and my life looks a lot better, too.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
No action without thought.
I am proud.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

aw, dang

I wanted badly to stay awake long enough to watch the 20/20 with Jaycee Dugard. I am so curious about this woman. I want to know what 18 years of captivity look like on some one's face.
No such luck, though, I crashed somewhere between the wrongly accused and the justly accused.
aw, dang
I'm old now. I go to bed early and get up early. I love the end of the day just as much as I love the beginning. The middle... well, it's the middle, so what can it be? It's full and bloated and pulling me down by my ankles almost every time it comes around.
aw, dang

Last night, instead of washing my brain away on the sensationalism and exploitation of a kidnap victim, I went to bed early. I got my 7 1/2 hours of needed sleep and woke rested and ready for my day.
atta girl
My days are so full of excitement and travel! I am lucky to have something to do at every moment, for there is never time to be bored. I have so many people around me, I have no fear of being lonely. I am so lucky to have such a large network of personalities to color my days!
atta girl

Friday, March 5, 2010

My government

My government

keeps lying to me, over and over

keeps taking more and more of my money and then giving it to others and telling me that's the right way to do things

helps so many other countries, they seem to have little left for me and my neighbors

drives a shiny new car every year and loads it with every option available, while I drive a 10 year old truck

decorates it's houses in the most expensive fabrics and furniture, while I bargain shop secondhand stores and count pennies

wants to tell me whether or not I can have a mammogram before age 50, or the treatment for breast cancer after age 40

is getting too big for me

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Here's something I saw the other day

My dear friend is ending a relationship. She's packing up all her stuff and moving back home to mom's. Her ex-husband has just remarried and he and his pregnant wife are coming to pick up her daughter to take her to a family occasion. On this busy and life altering day, not only is she watching another friend's daughter, but she's packing and moving everything she owns. It's a shitty, long day at noon, and there are 5 or more hours left to go.
In the midst of it all, after her custody has been changed to give her the lesser amount of time with her 10 year old, she is supposed to be putting her daughter's hair into a sweet little ponytail and have her all gussied up to go at the demand of her ex-husband's new wife. It's moving day, but she has a more important occasion, so you better step to it!
When they arrive, the wicked stepmother can only ask "Did she shower?!" No, but she has combed her hair and she's ready to go. "Ugh! I guess we'll have to pull it back into a ponytail on the way." Eyes rolling and angry toned. Bitchy at best.
What the fuck? Can you please have some goddamn empathy for this woman who is so kind hearted and going through such a rough time in her life. She's doing the best she can and you are so judgemental and mean. If you were so concerned about her hair, you should have just shut your yap and taken care of it in the car, without saying a word. How do you think it makes that little girl feel when you talk like that about her?
Did you see your kid's hair going to school today? Sticking up all over the place, you bad bad mother! Get the fuck over yourself, will you?

Monday, March 1, 2010

The insensitive bitch diet plan

It's cruel, but it works.
*inspired by weight loss info-mercial "six week body makeover"*
Are you overweight? Depressed? I have created a simple plan that will cure you of these evils and grant you a happy, healthy life.
Get off your ass.
Stop eating like a pig. Read serving sizes and measure that shit out for a nice wake-up call. I dare you.
Calories = energy. If you aren't doing any physical activity (shame on you) you need to adjust the calories/energy you are putting in to match the activity level going out. Again, get off your ass.
Don't ever drive to anything that's less than a half mile from you. Get out of your car and do some walking.
Never ever eat anything that you can order without leaving you're car. If you're too lazy to get out of your car to get it, you shouldn't be eating at all! You do not need fuel to sit on your ass any more than your car needs gas to sit in the driveway. Food, after all, is intended as fuel first.
Stop making excuses. You have the time. You have the means. You are lying if you say otherwise.
Buy my plan and be fit and healthy. You will lose weight and feel less depressed. Sun will actually hit your face and you will like it. Avocados taste better than potato chips. You're a better cook than you think. Garlic loves you.
Call in the next ten minutes and I will give you this shit free!
Oh... wait, I just did.
This has been a public service message funded by common sense$$

Sunday, February 28, 2010

rockin' the glasses

I just read the caption of a photo that a "friend" posted on a popular online social networking site and spit my coffee right out onto my keyboard. Took me a minute to get things cleaned up, but then I had to write about it quick. Like now.

The picture is of another "friend" and she's wearing her glasses, the one's she has been wearing since preschool, as she is legally blind. She's gorgeous to begin with and the sexy librarian black plastic glasses turn her into a school boy fantasy for every grown man she meets. I'm sure of that now.
The caption : "So-and-so rockin' the glasses"

Yep, she's rockin' em, you toolbag. She's also rockin' the eyesight.

Which one of you is blind?

Saturday, February 27, 2010

What a week!

So glad to have Saturday morning arrive covered in the white stuff... and nowhere to go for hours and hours. The trees are all white and the world is a beautiful and silent place. A nice long walk is in order. Mind clearing is imperative!
This last 5 days has been a non-stop running, shopping (only in February!), scary moments (mom and the purse snatcher), and great family moments with laughter and smiles. I live for those, so few and far between, now that teen angst has all but taken over my house and life. We ate dinner out as a family, no one was somewhere else. Of course, we took out a second mortgage to pay for the meal, but it was worth it.
Last night we all went to the Sharks game, too. What a great time! I get rowdy and my boys are looking at me like I'm insane. We're here, and I'm going to scream and jump up and down when the good guys score! It took them until the second period to warm up, but, once they did, they were nearly as excited as I was. (lets face it, I might be a little too excited, but that's me)
All in all, on this late February day, I am able to appreciate the small things. I feel good inside and mostly out, too. The lower back stuff is a real bitch, but I am doing the pt exercises and the pain is not so severe.
I'm happy. Relaxed.

Monday, February 22, 2010

something good

Baby Spinach
Red Peppers
Roasted Garlic cloves
Crispy Bacon
Creamy Garlic Parmesan Dressing

Soooooo good... and the spinach cancels out the bacon, so don't worry:)
If you think you don't like spinach, try this salad and it will change your mind. Gotta get those leafy greens into your diet!

Friday, February 19, 2010

ice time

It's been a long week of driving around the state for hockey games and feeding hungry boys who are home on school vacation. I can't wait until Monday... they will go back to school and I will lay around in my jammies and bask in the silence.
Monday, glorious Monday.

Monday, February 15, 2010

devil's apprentice

I need some inspiration. Should I buy a sewing machine? Run away to France? Stab someone and paint a pretty picture with their blood?
So many choices...

Friday, February 12, 2010


Last night, while picking up the new rug at Homegoods, I decided to browse around for some new flatware. I am quite sick of having to wash a spoon in the morning so that I can eat my yogurt. I want to open the drawer and see 10 spoons waiting there for me! And, this time, none of that crap from the dollar store. Homegoods is my ticket to all things better. I know they will have something gorgeous for me that I can actually afford to buy. Right?
You cannot believe the size of cutlery these days. The spoons are HUGE! The "teaspoon" in 8 out of ten sets was the size of the tablespoons we have now. The other two sets were hideous.
This is just another example of the fattening of America. American (Chinese made, of course, but the people in China would feed a family of four from one of our 12" gut busters) dinner plates are huge, and now the flatware has caught up so that you don't notice the ridiculous amount of food you are literally SHOVELING into your gob!
Americans love all things bigger, unfortunately, most of us don't have the brain to question whether bigger is actually better. I'm glad I do.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I was talking to my friend A the other day and she was saying that she is scared of change, whether good or bad, and doesn't handle it well.
She couldn't pinpoint it, but I am guessing it has something to do with seeing a lot of change in her childhood. I make this judgement because I saw little change in my childhood, and, as an adult, I not only handle it quite well, I welcome it. I would rearrange the living room every other day if the furniture wasn't so heavy.
In in seven years, I have moved 5 times and it hasn't bothered me in the least. No sadness, just packing and unpacking. I've lost a lot of stuff, but I have no sentimental attachment to stuff anymore. A divorce and 5 moves will take care of any sentimentality you might be hanging on to! It's actually kind of a relief to be free of all those boxes.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this one, but, A, if you're reading, I'm here for ya. I'll help you get through the change. I'm practically an expert. And I love you.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


you should be grateful for what you have.
you should do this.
you should do that.
this should be more fun.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

one, two

I want to go to bat for him, I really do. There's just no cause, other than helping him suffer the least possible consequences every time he screws up. I'm having a hard time getting behind that one. I don't think it's going to serve him to always "get away" with everything without a little suffering. It's the suffering that learns you the lesson, after all. Isn't it?
I'm so torn. I just don't have that sappy mothering instinct that protects the little birds from every little bump and bruise. I let my kids fall down. I don't think it was a conscious decision, but more a necessity with three boys always running around bashing themselves into things. How do you pick which one to save when they are all crashing at once! It's not that I want them to feel pain... but what can I do?
And, when they decide to slide down the railing, even after you've warned them 1,000 times not to, they'll smash their tiny balls and cry and maybe even decide not to do that again. (after 4 more tries or so)
Every time the boy screws up, some school official steps up and throws a pillow under his ass.
"Oh, sweetie, you want to do absolutely nothing buy disrupt your classes and fail 8th grade? Ok, go ahead, try harder at the high school!"
This will set what kind of fucking standard? I can only do so much here at home when you all at school are making me look unfairly demanding on my child. If you say that failing grades mean immediate suspension from the team, then stand behind that! No, you are short of decent players this year, so you bench him for one week. And, you expect me to drive him the 60 miles round trip to the rink twice this week so that he can sit in his shirt and tie and watch the team play. The punishment is on me?
No, sir, sorry. That's not how we're going to be doing this. If you cant stand behind your word, I'll do it for you.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

serving size

I have heard people say "you eat like a bird" or tease me for being thin after having three children. Go ahead, tease me. I'm not a super exercise nut. I don't eat just hand fulls of granola and berries. I eat EVERYTHING. I love food! I spend a good deal of my day thinking about it, preparing it, cooking it, serving it and cleaning up after the whole mess of it. I will eat Greek, Italian, Japanese, (sorry, "American" food just sucks) seafood, red meat, vegetarian, hot, spicy, sour, cold, sweet, salty... I do not exaggerate when I say that I love it all... there is nothing (aside from worms, I think) that I will not try at least twice.
Here's the thing. I get portion sizes. I don't fill up a 12" round platter with food and eat it all. Why would I want a 12" ball protruding from my waist? And it's as simple as that. Eat the size that you want your belly to be and it will be that size. I eat that size 5 times a day (6 if pms). I'm not missing anything. I eat cake sometimes. And mashed potatoes. Mostly, though, I eat fruit, vegetables, lean meat, seafood, whole grains and nuts.
Humus is a big favorite of mine. The picture above is a serving size for one person. It's 1/2 pita bread and 2 tbs. of red pepper humus. I use small unique plates to enhance the eating experience, since a standard serving is usually dwarfed on a typical American dinner plate. I prefer Japanese tableware and one of a kind clay. The above plate can be found here She's not only a talented artist, but she ships super fast and is a sweetheart! I got two of the sushi sets (plate and dipping bowl) and they are my favorites!

Friday, January 29, 2010

the plastic

She's walking up the winding dirt driveway, lined with snow covered Pine and Maple trees... there is a layer of freshly fallen fluffy white snow on everything. The mountain is barely visible, off in the distance, behind clouds of swirling snow in the air. It is a most beautiful New England winter afternoon and she knows how lucky she is to have the leisure to enjoy it. Until she rounds the corner.
What a shame it is that all she can see in this gorgeous winter scene is the green plastic trash barrel and bright blue plastic slide off in the distance by the pool. Plastic... the material that can cause itching just by being in her line of sight. This "miracle" material that came of age in her lifetime and kept her father employed during most of her life.
She squints. Still, the blur of colors show through. A chill up the spine and that moment that always comes next... the realization the plastic is impossible to eliminate from her life, no matter how repulsive it is. What can be done? Will someone build me a wooden trash barrel with a cover and wheels? Can we faux paint the slide to look like wood? Can we just fill the pool with compost and soil and grow some nice organic vegetables?
These are ridiculous questions, of course. What else could come from this ridiculous girl?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Saturday, January 16, 2010


You cant just say something and that makes it so. You don't go around pretending to have all this knowledge and teaching it like it's fact and then when the shit hits the fan, "Oops... I guess I was wrong". Well, where did you get your information? "Oh, I just thought it." Oh, OK, you, the fucking rocket scientist "thought" it, so that makes it so.
Do some fucking research. Learn something for fuck sake! No one knows everything! Stop trying so hard to look smart and BE FUCKING SMART.

use less words

listen more.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Uh oh

I think I may be having some mid life "crisis".
I think about my own mortality all the time. What have I done in this life" If I get hit by a mack truck today, what will I be remembered by. My garlic dip? Shit. I've done nothing but make really good soup. Sure, I made three boys, but almost any uterus can do that! What they have become so far isn't something I can take 100% credit for. WE mold them, and they mold themselves.
Oh, god, I hate this kind of thinking. I laughed when my brother pierced his ear and bought a convertable mustang that his three kids barely fit into. He even grew a ponytail! I wonder what I will do...
For now, I'm in the over-thinking, sad stage. I'm in mourning for my youth. I can't believe I'm almost 40! What happened to my twenties? And my thirties are just racing by, too! Slow down!
When I was young, I thought that I would be above all this worrying. I would live forever and tomorrow would always be there. I miss that ignorance.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

gone to the dogs

As it turns out, the word "no" was pretty easy to ad to the daily parental vocabulary. And, I sure have been doing a lot less driving in the last week. Pretty sweet. That isn't to say that the kiddos didn't get to where they wanted to go, it's just that I didn't have anything to do with it. You see, we are a two parent household. There's a "we" here and the other half of the we has been driving all over. I am curious to see when this will end. A man who commutes to the Bean daily cannot be expected to then get in the car as soon as he arrives home and all weekend long, too. I saw a look on his face last night, just before the trip to Rutland, that I have seen on my own time and time again. Dread, keys in hand.
See, man, that's why I quit. Nobody should look like that on a Friday night.
This was a very interesting week for me. On Monday, I adopted another American Bulldog. Her name was Sasha, now Zsa Zsa, and she is about 8 months old. She's sweet as pie and has the squishiest bulldoggy face I have ever seen. Adding a dog when there is already one takes some work. Pack order has to be determined. I am the leader and I expect Mena to take the roll of #2 and Zsa to be #3. For now, I have to be vigilant and ready with corrections and praise so that I will have good, obedient dogs. Sounds easy. I know better.
I do love a challenge... and, I am on this mission to be good and do good. What's one more dog? Ha!
Last year I made so many changes... mostly to my diet. And, of course, to my wardrobe. No real need for purple suede boots when you're lugging firewood through the snow. I started last year in that dusty old building, stuffed in the windowless corner with a shanty of an old metal desk. Toxic environment all around. Now, I breath the freshest fresh air every day and I am my own boss. The last decade was hard hard hard, but it ended on a positive note and I am ready for more. This year, I will continue to eat well. We're going to be eating local, grass fed beef instead of the shit at the grocery store. Shit... it's what's for dinner! There's a farm in Barre that we plan to visit this weekend. Another in Gardner. We will have a garden this year, but I also want to buy shares of a local organic CSA for spring crops. We are moving in the right direction! (although, some of us wish we could just visit the chips and soda aisle like everyone else. Sorry, kids)
I am also going to try to let myself be and stop being so critical of every little thing I do. Awareness is one thing, but that was a resolution eons ago and I have taken it way to far, as usual.

Friday, January 1, 2010

boiled over

In a house with 5 people, 4 of them male, who do you think would be taking out the trash and stacking the firewood? You would think it would be one of the males, wouldn't you? You would, especially, if the dynamic in this house is that the woman takes on the traditional motherly role of cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. The father goes to work, he brings home the money. The mother does everything else. Three lazy, ungrateful children lie around and refuse to help when asked.
I am so fed up with my children that I have been uttering awful things under my breath. Things, that, if you heard me, you might want to call some authority at once. Rest assured, I am not going to physically harm any of my brood. However, a mental ass-kicking is in order, and I'm boiling over with lessons to be taught. I do not make New Years resolutions, but this past week has changed my mind. I am going to speak less. No speech, no begging, no lectures... for these boys I will reserve my breath and give one word answers. Mostly in the form of "no".
Can I drive?
Can I get a ride to Scotty's house?
Can I get a ride to the mountain?
Will you? Can you? Can I?
No. No. No.
Yesterday, while the snow was falling and I was loading a cord of wood into a wheelbarrow and then stacking criss cross for good air circulation, I was angry and ashamed. I have raised my boys to be this way? All three are in the house, playing video games and eating and taking naps while I am outside for 3 hours in the snow stacking wood and they're ok with that? What have I done? I know I have told them the complete opposite of all of this. Didn't I?
It's these moments that make you question your worth as a parent. Of course, I know I'm not a bad parent, but not being bad doesn't make you good. Honestly, I want to be great. This project is a huge portion of my life and what if the finished product is three lazy, ungrateful battling jerks? This has to be fixed right f'ing now.