good manners. self control.

"How can one hope to attain a high degree of advancement in life, in character-building, or in all-around success, without complete control of personal habits, both physical and mental? The truly successful man has all his faculties under control. He has a strong grip on himself, and holds to his task of self-government under good fortune and bad, through prosperity and adversity. "


Good advice 110 years ago, good advice now.
Stop with the "can't" and just do it. Or don't. But, let it be your choice.

Charles Bukowski

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live."

Fly

Yesterday, I went out into the garden with my coffee and checked my cel phone for the time what seemed like an hour later... 2:19. I had gone back and forth to get water and tools from the greenhouse and did some digging in the dirt and completely lost the hours. Love those moments!
I have to confess, I have a lot of them these days. This last year of unemployment has changed time for me. I live on school hours because of the kids, but on the days they aren't there, I am just oblivious. If you know me at all, this is a great achievement! While others are making resolutions to work harder and do more, I am trying to slow down, loosen up, do less. So far, I'm keeping my promises to myself. Isn't it about fucking time?!
This week, A and I went up to Brattleboro, Vt for a day of fabulous views, a super quaint downtown complete with a hot boy in a cool store(he said we can't live there), records, books, *toys*, beads, googul and yummy yummy Thai Bamboo lunch. Whoofreakingwho! Such a long time coming and so worth the wait! Another promise to myself, kept. I do not whine about not getting time for myself any more. I TAKE time for myself. No questions, no guilt. I work hard, I deserve to play sometimes, too. I get what I need, and a lot of what I want, too, these days.


Here is some advice I got a few years ago from an old friend. I took it and ran...
Don't stew and hate your own life because of what others "do" to you or "make" you feel.
Own your shit!
Every single breath is a choice by you, so don't let anyone elses plan ruin yours. Just don't forget that you won't be the only one out there getting what you want. Don't take compromise as a failure to get what you want. Look at it as an opportunity to do right by someone else, above your own desires.
Never confuse your wants with your needs.
Never break a promise to yourself.
If your intentions are good, good things happen.
Karma isn't bs, don't joke about that shit, LIVE IT.
Smile, it makes you look prettier.


Now, that friend completely screwed me over before moving across the country to destroy a new set of lives. I did not think she was a good mother, wife, or friend. But the advice she gave (and never took) was always stellar.

PUT THE PHONE AWAY

Yesterday, I watched you pull into the school parking lot. You were driving kind of fast and you were on your cel phone. You nearly hit the blue Honda when you pulled into the parking space. I watched you fumble with you keys and your purse as you got out of your SUV, at one point holding your keys in your teeth so that you could take off your sweater...that little phone wedged between your ear and your shoulder the whole time. I stood behind you in line and overheard your conversation, a lot of snarky she and he and hahaha. I had to duck from being hit in the face when you waved to your son. You brushed my shoulder and apologized, immediately letting the person on the phone know that you did this and how funny it was. hahaha You whispered "hi" to your boy and rushed him out the door through the throng of parents, into the parking lot and into your SUV. You drove out of that parking lot, still on your cel phone. You never took one minute to greet your child and ask him about his day.
Do you have any idea how you must be making your son feel? I'll tell you this, I am only an observer and it hurt me to watch you. I can only imagine it hurts tenfold when it is you who is being ignored by the one person whose love you should be able to count on at the end of a long day at school.
Shame on you, lady. Put your damn cel phone away and be present in your own life.

reminders

sit up straight
eat more vegi's
stretch
go for a walk
sleep enough
breath, and breath again
see the wide view
stop at one cup, one glass
smile
drink enough water
watch your mouth
stop worrying so much
listen
love
do

The growing season is upon us!

Yippee! This year, I have a sun room to start my seeds in. I can hardly believe my luck on this one. My thumbs are so green, I have to hide them in my pockets so I don't get mistaken for Fiona! I have been itching to get into some soil of my own for so long... last year I spent my time in other people's gardens, this year I am all mine. And, the biggest bonus, the soil here is organic, has always been organic and will always be organic.
I have already started spinach, basil (3 kinds), oregano, sage, cilantro, chamomile and zinnias (2 kinds). I have many, many more varieties to get started. From past experience, I know how much food I can grow in a season with a big garden. We won't have to buy fresh veggies or herbs from July through November if I don't have any major pest or disease issues. I plan to return to my roots and do some canning. Although, they should call it jarring... We need to get used to eating in season and being more self sufficient. The economy is so fragile and I don't want my family to go without good nutrition if hubs loses his job.
By the end of this weekend, I hope to have most of my pots filled with soil. It's quite a task, considering that I have over 200 pots. For the last 6 years, I've only been able to grow my garden in pots, so I have accumulated quite a collection. Even my plants have been packed and ready to go at a moments notice! Now, I will use the bulk of them to decorate the sprawling decks outside. I plan to use the not-so-pretty ones for seed starting and giving. I suppose I could sell some, too, if the need arose. One paycheck at a time!
I am just so excited to get growing. There is nothing like planting a seed and watching that seed sprout into gorgeous green, reaching up to the sky and bursting with life. I never never get tired of this cycle. I will be watching 1,000s of them over the next 2 months and each and every one will be a gift of life that I am very, very thankful for.

Reason # 435 why I don't want this bill

The Orthodontist called this morning to let me know that Mass Health has denied the claim for my 14 year old's braces. Yes, he needs them. No question about it, two docs have confirmed that fact. But, the insurance that the state of Massachusetts FORCES me to have refuses to pay any part of the bill. Awesome. Thank you to my government, once again, for a job undone.
Of course, now I can appeal. I have 30 days and then they have 6 months to get back to me and let me know if their "panel" has changed their mind. I think it's crazy to put our government in control of our health care. Absolutely fucking insane.