*aint*

"Aint aint a word, but it used to was." C. Allen 1991
Spending too much time on Facebook is apparently wrecking the brains of middle aged kids. They are losing the ability to speak proper English, or atleast to type it.
Now, that don't make no sense.
Just sayin'!
It is what it is.
Just puttin it out there.
Please, put it away. Ok, now go grab a dictionary. Check out all the words in there... they even have meaning! Amazing, huh?
Stop tanning. Or, keep tanning, as these things have a way of taking care of themselves. ie, death.
Stop talking. Really, you don't make any damn sense anyway! I don't know how much longer I can be polite.
Here's something. FB isn't "losing" my friends. I deleted you on purpose because "hiding" you didn't cut it. I will keep saying that FB messed up so that I don't have to hurt your feelings, but the truth is that you annoy me. I don't care that you started your "period" or you can take a hundred pictures of yourself from every angle possible. Can you just change your status to "too much time on my hands, not enough brain to know what to do with it". That should cover your year.
-END RANT HERE-

back the f*ck up

Seriously, sweety, if you ever approach me in front of my child or any other with that foul mouth again, I am going to have to let you know what's up. Get out of the tanning bed and hit the library. Have some damn class.
This blog could have easily been titled "Why I hate school functions". I can't even enjoy a family picnic with my 10 year old without having to hear an alleged grown woman behave like a 15 year old trying to piss of her mom and impress her friends.
She said, bla bla, shit, fuck, OMG!
What on earth makes someone think that this occasion is the perfect time to air family grievances? Too much Jersey Shore in the brain, me thinks. I dont give a fuck what your mom said or did and I dont care what you did, either, just get the hell away from me and mine. Sorry for your kid, but protecting mine from such nonsense is my priority.

fist pump

I am beside myself.
Yesterday, I found myself walking into a JC Penney with my 17 year old son, who said this knock me on my ass statement "I'm really liking the writing thing. I enjoy it. Next year, I am going to kick ass in creative writing,"
I literally tripped over my sandal and half crashed into him and the door.
Cough.
Choke.
Huh?!
Don't overreact!
If I get all excited and jump up and down and tell him how proud and happy I am at this moment, I might scare him off. He may choose auto mechanics just to spite me.
"Cool", I say, "I can totally relate to the writing thing."
Done.
Over.
This was my moment and it went by so quick. Off to Sperry's and plaids and the Celtics chances in game 6. Off to a million other things that fly in and over and around me but do not penetrate. Now, I have to wait patiently for the next one or try to initiate some moments of my creation. They tend to fall flat compared to the ones that come flying at you like a comet and leave you trying to see again with that light in your eyes.

won't do that again

WOW! Went away for the weekend and need a whole new vacation to recover from that almost 48 hour stretch of... what was that, anyway? Whatever it was, it did not end well and has left me thinking about a lot of things... about toxicity and love and tolerance. Are my levels normal, nurse? I'm feeling not.
Thanks goddess yesterday was a fruitful work day and the joy in that so elevated my mood. Today, I plan to remind myself often to stay on this path. If I don't, it's nobody's fault but mine.
Nobody's fault but mine
It's nobody's fault but mine
Try to save my soul tonight
Oh, it's nobody's fault but mine

Devil he told me to roll
Devil he told me to roll roll roll roll
How to roll the log tonight
Nobody's fault but mine

Brother he showed me the gong
Brother he showed me the ding dong ding dong
How to kick that gong to life
Oh, it's nobody's fault but mine

Got a monkey on my back
M-M-Monkey on my back back back back
Gonna change my ways tonight
Nobody's fault but mine

I will get down rollin' tonight
Nobody's fault

An ounce of prevention

There will be people that will come into your life with the sole purpose of taking something from you. That doesn't mean you have to sit idle and wait for it to happen and then fight a brave fight. You can also keep your eyes WIDE open and eliminate them as soon as you see an inkling of threat. Remove the threat before you are facing a real problem, before you lose anything. You'll have to hone your skills of seeing through people, of course, but transparency can come if you pay good attention. There are incidents and accidents, hints and allegations. (PS, so brilliant)
A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says why am I short of attention
Got a short little span of attention
And wo my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family
What if I die here
Who'll be my role-model
Now that my role-model is
Gone Gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound
The sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen! and Hallelujah!

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

no junk in this trunk

They don't call it "junk" for nothing!
When are the PC police going to step up and do something about us skinny girls and the abuse we take from the world? If I ever said "Girl, you so fat, put down that cupcake!" in ANY situation, I would be booooo-ed, chastised, and thrown from the car/bus/room/staircase within seconds. However, it's perfectly fine for you to tell me that I am too thin and need to go eat some of those same cupcakes.
I've been thin all my life. I eat a healthy, diverse diet and I am physically active every day of my life. It's how I was raised and it's how I am raising mine because I enjoy being healthy and I want the same for my family. But, we live in the good ol' USofA, and here, if you don't consume mass amounts of shitty processed drive thru crap, you are looked down upon. I have been laughed at, called names, and accused of starving myself. And, it's all fine and dandy, because...
Anyone?
Bueller?

everything's growing

including, a bit of anger and some resentment. A little humiliation thrown in for good measure.
Dammit!
Out, damn spot.
I'm vigilant now. I'm not asleep at the wheel. No comfort zone bliss here. Almost... but, a quick reality check and I'm back.
Just needed to clean off the lenses. I see.
Problem is, I'm not "cool" anymore. I'm red fucking hot.